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‘I’m in too deep there’s no way out’
Runaway Train, Soul Asylum

‘When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love.’
Shania Twain, You’re Still The One.



Che Mie, Alyn, Muz and Me

It started off with a trip that lasted for three days. I didn’t know why I even bothered to go back. Maybe it was the longing for the scent of Kuala Kangsar, or the soothing breeze of Sungai Kangsar.

We left for Kuala early in the morning on Friday. Papa Khalid and Che Mie were my traveling companions. We stopped in Tanjung Malim to savor the delicious (almost sinful) ‘pau’ and some much needed mee gorengs before reaching Kuala Kangsar.

As soon as I saw the imposing structures of Big School, my heart sank.

‘I’m home’, I said silently.

We checked in at the ‘Hotel of the Stars’ (Sri Kangsar). The manager gave us soaps and towels. Suddenly, I felt like a ‘lady of the night’. Heheheh


Papa Khalid

My friends came later that nite. Izrin, Pyan and Eddy left for Kuala around 9.00. By 12.30, we headed to Big School. Che Mie and Papa Khalid decided to stay at Sri Kangsar.

When we got to the tent in the middle of Padang C, most of my batch members were there. Megat, Za’ba, Al, Shah, Luqman and Hezwan. We talked for a while. Mostly on works, colleges and such.

Pyan and I decided to walk to Big School.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

I touched every walls and windowsills, Balustrades and beds. I needed to have the textures etched in my head. I longed for the sensation of the wooden floors against my skin. I inhaled as much memories as I could, trying to cram everything into my head.

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

I would go back year after another, searching for answers to questions so vague. I would come back empty handed.

Pyan and I talked and went from one dorm to another. Trying to point out what had changed over the last 6 years and what remained the same.

After big school, we made our way to Prep School.



Prep School

Prep School greeted me with that familiar somber and calm air. We walked from one dorm to another, identifying who slept in which bed. By the time we got to Prep School, Izrin, Eddy and Zaid joined us. Pyan was obsessed with trying to find the present 115, the others were busy pointing out this and that.

The next day, we spend hours waiting for our turn to rehearse for the nite. Around 6.30, the wind orchestra came in for their rehearsal. It was really, really good. I spotted someone in the ensemble. He reminded me of somebody I used to spend time with when I was in school. I was determined to find out more about him. (I found out later that this chap has the same name as somebody I used to spend time with when I was in school)



Che Mie and I lepaking in front of Big School

The rehearsal went well. The only thing that I was kinda disappointed in was the sound system. I could barely hear my voice let alone sing in tune.

By the time the rehearsal was over, I was so tired. We had dinner in Lembah with a couple of people. Muz, Alyn (Muz’s wife), Dr Mohazmi and Morkymoqq.

I went back to my room and I fell asleep until 8.30. Thank god Che Mie woke me up or I’d sleep all nite.

We headed towards Hargreaves Hall to perform for the nite. It was raining that nite. We stayed backstage as we waited for our turn. We (Che Mie and I) sang our song, ‘Seribu Impian’. Despite the audio problems, we sang full heartedly.

I sang that song when I was in F1 back in 1996. Suddenly all those memories flooded my heart. It was surreal.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Somebody came up and sang ‘Runaway Train’. Mase tuh I just couldn’t contain what I felt anymore. I shed a couple of tears. And then somebody came up and sang ‘Still got the Blues’. That time I almost choke on my tears. But I held it back. Afraid that somebody might see.



Gary Moore - Still Got The Blues

Used to be so easy
to give my heart away
But I've found out the hard way
there's a price you have to pay
I found that love
was no friend of mine
I should have known
time after time

So long, it was so long ago
but I've still got the blues for you

Used to be so easy
to fall in love again
But I've found out the hard way
it's a road that leads to pain
I've found out that love
was more than just a game
you play on to win
but you lose just the same

So long, it was so long ago
but I've still got the blues for you

so many years
since I've seen your face
but here in my heart
there's an empty space
where you used to be

So long, it was so long ago
but I've still got the blues for you
Though the days come and go
there's one thing I know
I've still got the blues for you

The concert ended with a blast. Somebody sang ‘Sweet Child Of Mine’. Mase tuh, I didn’t know what to do anymore. Thank god Za’ba was sitting next to me after most of my friends decided to leave the hall.

We screamed like nobody’s business. Maybe it was the song, maybe it was the venue, and maybe it was our hearts. Whatever it was we were 17 again that nite.

The next morning,I woke up with this shitty feeling in my heart. If only I’d stay back that nite and spend the nite in Pavillion.

We had breakfast and headed to Prep School to give the remaining of my cake to one of the Prep School prefects I met the nite before.

We left around 1.

To Che Mie:
Isn’t he lovely

To Papa Khalid:
Thanks for being such a nice companion

To Pyan:
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town

To Muz and Alyn:
You guys are cool

To a certain Prep School prefect:
Why lah did you go and follow those people pergi minum?

In the words of Tunku Adnan,
"We can never say 'goodbye', we can only say 'till we meet again'"

I don’t know how to put all the feelings that I felt in the past three days into words.
I don’t think I can. Even if I could, I don’t think I want to. I think some things are better left unsaid.


Some Pics are from Che Mie's Blog. The Big School pic is from Kichi's Fotopages

Vienna by Billy Joel

Slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told..
That you can get what you want or you get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,...
Too bad but it's the life you lead
you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right. you're right

You've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get half through
Why don't you realize,. Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Suzlee Ibrahim is an abstract artist who has exhibited his works in more than 200 exhibitions and cultural activities, both locally and internationally. After 2 years of research, he starts working on a series of paintings called ‘Movement Series’ since 1995. After the success of Movement Series, he explores Dubai in search of new ideas. This leads him to discovering ‘Space Series’, a series which explores the development of Dubai and its cosmopolitan vibe.

Returning from Dubai, Suzlee seeks to find new ideas and subject matters to dwell on. He starts a new series of paintings based on the basic visual elements, such as lines and marks. Creating basic interpretations of ideas and matters.

Works that are to be displayed at Gemarimba Gallery in April will consist of selected works from both the ‘Movement Series’, the ‘Space Series’ and new works from the ‘Foundation Series’. The exhibition will also put forth works that mark the transition from the earlier series to the current one.

Details are as follows:

Date

8th April 2006

Time

5pm

Venue

Gemarimba Gallery
B8
Taman Tunku Apartments
Langgak Tunku
Bukit Tunku
50480 Kuala Lumpur

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

Sonnet 18

Heheehhe
Am feeling a lil down today. God’s knows why.
Btw,
A lot more people wish me on my birthday. I’m just too tired to list down their names and all

I don’t know what to write today. I have this impulse to tell the whole world 'bout everything, but for now, I don’t know. Nothing seems right.

Maybe these quotes here will explain in general how I feel:

From ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’:

Julianne Potter: Michael... I love you. I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and... well, now I'm just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn't it?

And another one

Michael O'Neill: Kimmy says if you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just...
Julianne Potter: Passes you by...
Michael O'Neill: Passes you by...

(Which btw I’m so going to use one day)

From ‘Never Been Kissed’:

Josie Geller: That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.
Cynthia: Damn girl... you are a writer.

From ‘City of Angels’:

Seth: I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.

From ‘Notting Hill’:

Anna Scott: "For June who loved this garden from Joseph who always sat beside her." Some people do spend their whole lives together.

Anna Scott: After all... I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

From ‘Pretty Woman’:

Vivian: I want the fairy tale.

From ‘Ever After’:

Leonardo da Vinci: I know that a life without love is no life at all.
Henry: And love without trust?

Henry: Do you really think there is only one perfect mate?
Leonardo da Vinci: As a matter of fact, I do.
Henry: Well then how can you be certain to find them? And if you do finally find them, are they really the one for you or do you only think they are? And what happens if the person you're supposed to be with never appears, or she does, but you're too distracted to notice?
Leonardo da Vinci: You learn to pay attention.
Henry: Then let's say God puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you're supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first or was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just chance or are some things meant to be?

From ‘Before Sunset’:

Jesse: Good, I like being here.


Celine: The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil! Right?


Celine: You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.

Get the drift?
Later