of mortals and mere words

I'm back

2009-11-22T12:57:00.001+08:00

This small brain of mine has too little grey matter to hold the username and password at the same time. So for the past three years I've been slaving myself to finding the password to my blog.

Now i have it!!! yippeeeeee!!!!!

Will be posting something new very soon!

Is Truth Overrated?

2007-05-04T14:17:00.000+08:00

Is it?
How many times have you been told that telling the truth is better than lying? No matter how bitter truth is. I have been told that telling the truth makes you an honest person. But do we really need too many honest people out there?

The thing with truth is that it is never good. Believe me. I know.

Lemme tell you the story of a guy.

Let’s just call him Ralph. See Ralph is a good person. He’s been honest all his life. The thing with Ralph honesty is that it’s very blatant (very honest) to a point where it has become very, very annoying. According to Ralph’s friends that is.

One day, while looking for a new watch, Ralph meets a lovely girl. Her name is Esther. See Esther hates people who lies and conceals information from her.

So the both of them go on a date. It goes well except for the fact that Ralph likes Esther. Too soon you say?

Well Ralph likes to tell the truth. He likes Esther. So what’s wrong with telling Esther that he likes her? Even if they have just been on one date?

Aren’t we taught to tell things like it is? To be real and all?

Back to Ralph and Esther.

So one day (after the scary confession), Esther decides to cook dinner for Ralph. Sort of like a romantic candlelight dinner that couples usually have when they are comfortable with each other.

But while cooking, Esther has accidentally burnt the veggies and spoils the broth (she doesn’t have too many cook). So Esther, a lazy bum, decides to just serve the dinner and get it over and done with. She knows that the food is going to taste really bad. But she just wants to test Ralph, whether Ralph likes he or not (fishing for not-so-honest compliments). So yeah.

Ralph arrives, eats and tells Esther that the food is great. Esther changes her mind. She realizes that Ralph is not telling the truth and she hates that (all of a sudden). She kicks Ralph out, goes to her local sperm back and gets herself pregnant.

So you see. Honesty. The tricky word that has always been plaguing me.

When is honesty good?

Lazy Bum

2007-05-03T14:15:00.000+08:00

Yes I know. It’s been a while since I post anything. Am just so lazy.

After tirelessly trying to recover the password for this blog (why lah change to gmail account?), I’ve decided to do nothing with it and just post updates on trivial things.

Like how am I doing?

I’m ok. I just realize that Hillary Duff can actually sing. Yes she does and she does it very well I must say.

Anything new?

I’m coming out with a new album soon. Hahahhaha.
Nah.

I’m still trying to clean my room. It’s not that big a space. It’s just that if I clean the magazine area, I'd have to do the book area too and if I do the book area, I have to do the area around the table. So it’s just amat lah membosan kan.

Oh Mokciknab has updated her blog after a long hiatus.

Hmmm. What else is new?
Lemme see

Oh yeah. Yesterday after being sent home by my boss (BALIK!!!!!CUTI LAH!!!!TIDO!!!), I have decided to finally watch the last few episodes of Brideshead Revisited. Tiring I must say. But it’s a good adaptation of the novel. Verbatim. So Best lah if you've read the book. Or else you‘d be thinking

“Who the hell are these people and why do they talk like that?”

The other day Che Kam asks his students to name songs that they think has changed their lives and why. Needless to say Che Kam is furious with the answers given. So he proceeds to test this theory (that I’m actually smart) and asks me the same question.
I replied.

Hmm,

Lemme see

It has got to be The Wallflowers One Headlight (how can you not like Jakob Dylan).

There’s a part in the chorus and it goes something like this:

“Come on try a little, nothing is forever, there’s got to be something better than in the middle.”

So yeah.

What else, what else?

Pyan my best friend is at home for a month holiday. Yeah.
Erm….

Oh there’s this really good restaurant at Bangsar Village II, it’s called Marmalade, the Pesto Chicken Spaghetti is to die for. And the Carrot cake. Arghhh….hhahahha. It’s so super damn delicious. Please ask for extra orange peel when you order that.

Old Boys Weekend is great. I spend the days with Pyan walking, sleeping in various places, just to test the theory that Overfloor is colder than Pavillion and West Wing and East Wing. Haven't got the chance to complete the experiment.

I eat too much. Again.

That and I seriously think Elin of Elin and Mooze looks like Carolyn Bessette Kennedy.

Attention Span

2007-02-15T12:01:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine asked me a few weeks back,

“Apasal Kau malas update blog?”

To which I replied,

“What should I write? Seriously (a catchphrase now known as the “dzuf"). I don’t go out that much. Movies? Hahahaha yeah right, you know what kind of movies I watch kan. And besides they are all old movies, music and all? Takde mase. Seriously.”

“Why did you start one in the first place? You kinda have to commit yourself to this kinda thing, you know, if you wanna start something.”

“Commit, you say? Hahahaha, I can’t even commit to a single moisturizer”

And after that the meehon goreng arrived and we stuffed ourselves silently. Well, except for the occasional bitching ‘bout things, like the degree of saltiness of the meal (bland, ‘salt shipwreck’---kak ade lagi ke garam kat dapur? Ade dik, nak ke? Oh tidak, saya ingat akak dah tuang semuanya ke dalam mee hoon goreng saya, ‘Ghandi’s salt march’---this is the most horrible, you are hungry and have no choice but to eat.), the rude waiters and so on.

So, yeah.
I know I’ve been very bad when it comes to committing myself to a single thing and pursue it wholeheartedly. But you can’t blame me. See, I have the attention span of a 3 year old kid with ADHD (no offence to anyone). I would look at something new, play with it for a while and go back to my old lazy self. (Note to self: LAUNDRY!)

So what has this done to me? I buy lots of books and only manage to read ¾ of each of these books, I spend only 10 second on one song before jumping to the chorus and the next song, preferably within the next 8 seconds and I am the Olympic gold medalist for CHANNEL SURFING.

So, yeah. But this ‘problem’ has also kinda given me an opportunity to be a try-ist. I’ll try anything once. You know how these new things are, they are like that new VOGUE that you‘ve just bought, the one with the glossy photo of somebody famous. You know how it smells, how the binding is still intact and how the pages are still clean and crisp. And then you flip through it for 10 seconds and you get bored and wish you’d bought GQ or VANITY FAIR instead. But nevertheless you cherish that VOGUE and place it neatly on the bookshelf and look at it with pride.

And years from now you’d flip through the magazine and start to read the articles and laugh at the pictures and ‘style’.

That’s exactly how I feel about this whole blogging thing. Frankly I’m bored already. Hahahaha

I don’t really write very well. My trail of thought is as short as Sarimah Ibrahim’s Musical career. Short but very intense. Hahahahah

Ok.

So I shall leave you with another non-post Post.

Update!

2007-01-31T13:11:00.000+08:00

I know I know
It’s been a while
But hey. I’ve been busy with things here and there.
So yeah
I’m just going to update you guys with the things that have been happening in my life.
Briefly.

I’ve become a book addict. Yes. Spending hundreds of ringgit on good books is a must every month.

I’m currently reading Tobias Wolff’s Old School and after that maybe Tun Dr Ismail after Che Mie is done with it. Heheheh

I’ve been helping my friend Azreezal Hafidz of GLAM with his new GLAM Deko. I’ll keep you all updated on that.

And what else…

Something I wrote a few weeks back but didn’t have the time and energy to continue and finish it

I was shocked, stunned, I must say when I read the news.
Huge pictures of the house being torn down.

Heartless, I must say.

Shall we take a break and do nothing and think about our sad, sad state of denial.
We don’t like eh, to talk about our colonial past. Why ah?
Tak best ke kalau we talk about the people that has help us, even sikit pun?
Do we have to destroy everything that will remind us of them ke?

Thank god for Penang.

I’m sure some of the people who make decision for this matter have been to places like St Petersburg, and Paris and paling koman pun Singapore rite?

I love the Fullerton post house. Don’t you? The portico and the beautiful pillars in front of the Padang.

Kalau Russia plak, the beautiful, beautiful Hermitage. Cantik kan? The green (I think) horizontal beauty reflected in the calm Neva River. Best kan?

These building reflected the past of these cities or nations. The thing that made them what they are today. The colonials and the Tsars.

You can’t do a tabula rasa and deny the fact that the British were once here. You take that away, and you can very well say goodbye to education system, British graduates in the early years, MCKK (tsk, tsk), dan banyak lagi. Erasing the physical structure of ones past is one of the ways to make people forget. And to deny, future generations of the true nation.

Mengarut eh?

Ntah lah.

Not seeing it there makes me sad.

I asked Elizabeth Cardosa back when I was in college about the fate of the Bok House and the Majestic Hotel (I think). Back then she gave me an assurance that a certain company has promised to preserve and conserve these two grand dames. But I guess it's time to say goodbye eh.

I guess it's the end of an era.

Ok
So now I have to go back to doing my work.
Later
Anything just talk to me at rizalauzritz (yahoo messenger)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY 9600

2006-12-05T12:03:00.000+08:00

This picture was taken a few days before we left Koleq.
We sat for our Agama paper that afternoon.

Happy birthday guys!!!!

A few weeks back, me and my friends were counting the years that we've been together.

Somebody said.

''Ten years of course''.
And then we proceed to eating a delicious meal at Damansara Uptown.

Suddenly,

“Wait a minute; we’ve been together for 11years.”

All of us put down our forks and spoons and looked at each other, (ok, maybe not that dramatic) we were shocked.

11years ago, December 5th, 1995, we stepped into a place that we would call home for the rest of our lives. The imposing neo-classical structure greeted most of us with such bittersweet smile.

And five years later we left that place. Some cried, others cried for days.
Me, I couldn’t cry. I had to stay back since I was a part of the Malay College Editorial Board and the Koleq Mag was still half way done. So I stayed back.

I remember how I couldn’t bear to see my friends went back, one by one, with their parents. I said my goodbyes to Nageb, Keanu and Majid.

I walked towards Cooper’s cubicle and slept the day off.

It’s been 6 years since I left college. Now I’m staying with my Izrin, Mulder and Nageb. Occasionally, Eddie, Nizam, Pyan, and the rest would come to visit. It’s nothing much but hey, it’s home. We even named the house Overfloor since all of us are from Idris house.

Here are some pictures that I found.

4 Science 3 with Grace Margaret

Post Night-Prep Studying Session, 5 Science 3

(my desk was behind the guy in yellow)

Damn, this whole upload thing is stuck. Nevermind, I’ll upload some more soon.

"... I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly ..."

Happy Birthday guys!!!!!

and no, i'm not related to president kennedy

2006-11-29T17:11:00.000+08:00

me in my baju melayu hitam, koleq 2005

that's me in green, koleq 2005

due to the pic used as the profile pic for my blog, a few people e-mailed me and asked me for my real pics.

well here they are

but these were taken years ago. in 2005

enjoy!
(not too much, eh)

Holy Sh*t

2006-11-29T14:28:00.000+08:00

I know this is a bit disgusting but just bear with me eh?
heheheehehe

I know how some people just can’t stop talking about this. I mean the whole nine yards on how it hurts and all.
I mean seriously after 18-23-40-55 years of doing it, shouldn’t we all get use to the sensation already?
Hahhahahah

Anyway,

Here it is,

Ghost Shit
You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.

Teflon Coated Shit
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!

Gooey Shit
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.

Second Thought Shit
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit
This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Shit
You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.

Right Now Shit
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit
This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Wet Cheeks Shit
This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.

Wish Shit
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!

Cement Block or Oh God Shit
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.

Snake Shit
This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.

Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.

Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.

Beer Drunk Shit
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.

The Frightened Turtle
The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in

The Bungee Shit
The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.

The Ring of Fire Shit
The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.

The Crippler
The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Big Bobber
The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.

The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang
The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

A friend of mine went thru this when I was back in college. I didn’t know how to drive back then and we were stuck in the infamous Jalan Tun Razak jam. She was seriously pleading for god to ease her pain.

N***in: Oh my god, why is this happening to me? Oh my god, oh my god, god help me, have mercy on me. Oh my god, oh my god………
(repeat a few hundred times with gripping the steering wheel)

Me: (Laughing my head off)

(In case you come face to face with this situation, stop laughing and suggest a few places where she/he can ease her/his suffering. And no, ‘…out the window’ is not what she/he wants to hear).

The Incredible Hulk Shit
The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.

The Jack the Ripper Shit
The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.

The Party Pooper
The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

The Toxic Gas Shit
The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.

Dirty Bowl Shit
The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.

The Windy City Shit
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.

Oh Shit! Shit
You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!

The Never Ending Shit
It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Ouch That Hurt Shit
The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

Go hence, to have more talk of these funny things and have a great day.

of the surreal and real

2006-11-27T18:08:00.000+08:00

So far I’ve managed to make a fool of myself.
You know how this whole internet thing works.
You fall in love with somebody online
And well... that's it. You know, you just fall in love.
hahahhahha
No I’m not in love. I’m far from it.

The past few weeks have been okay (I think) .
I’ve managed to finish a couple of books that I just have to finish, watch movies that I’ve been dying to watch (and almost died watching it), and well, lose a couple of friends and gain a couple more (lets not burst this pink bubble with sad, sad stories).

Books. Yes, let’s talk about the books that I’ve managed to finish.

Love Story by Erich Segal
Blankets by Craig Thompson (yes, that book that I’ve always wanted)
Erm...what else eh....
A few more bookslah that I bought at Ampang Point.
Ampang Point has two bookstores that sell really good secondhand books.

Pay Less and Rent- a-Book/Novel Hut I think.

Yeah, so anyway,

Last Saturday, I watched this movie that I’ve wanted to watch since early this year (I think)
It is called,

HOSTEL

It’s a story of a couple of travelers on a Europe tour and how then ended up dead.
Yeah, I know,
I’m not a very good story teller.
But yeah,

If you re interested, here is the trailer.
But I have to warn you that this movie is seriously not for the fainthearted. hahahahhah
It’s like super weird. And do not, I repeat, do not watch it with your mom and dad. Unless they are okay with people naked on TV (yes, they are naked people in this movie).

Watch this if:

1. You've eaten too much and feel like vomiting

2. You plan to go to Europe anytime soon (Izrin!!!!!)

3. You bf/gf wants to go to Europe. and you know that he'll be screwing good looking

chicks/guys

4. erm..i think 3 is enough

Don't watch this if:

1. You've eaten too much and want to actually keep your dinner/lunch

2. You plan to go to Europe anytime soon

3. You want to go to Europe and screw lots of people

But please watch this if youhave nothing better to watch. And no, that Hindustani thing is not ''somethng better''.

So anyway, yes

Well, that's it for now.
I know, I know.

Oh, before I forget. Incase, just incase, I don’t appear online for the next few days, it's because I got this message on friendster and I just couldn't be bothered to reply.

''WHEN U ALREADY START READING THIS DONT STOP OR ELSE SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN...MY NAME IS TEDDY ...I AM 7 YEARS OLD WITH BLOND HAIR AND SCARY EYES. IHAVE NO NOSE OR EARS. I AM DEAD. IF YOU DONT SEND THIS TO 15PPL B4 U GO TO BED I WILL APPEAR 2NIGHT WITH A KNIFE AND KILL U THIS IS NO JOKE SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO U AT 11:55SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU OR TALK TO YOU ONLINE AND SAY I LOVE YOU OR ASK YOU OUT BUT HERES THE CATCH, YOU HAVE TO SEND IT TO 25 DIFFERENT PEOPLE...YOU CANNOT SEND IT TO ME FOR I HAVE ALREADY SENT IT TO YOU''

Have a good week ahead

The day I almost met Irwansyah

2006-11-02T19:42:00.000+08:00

Today I almost met Irwansyah in person. hohohoh

I was so excited when Che Kam told me that they’re performing at Muzik-Muzik.

So I picked up the phone and called Papa Khalid.
He pulled a few strings and got me a backstage pass to see Irwansyah before the live show.

Provided I had to be there at 3 or 3.30

I was ecstatic.
But it was already 1 o'clock and the show was going to start at 4.30

So I called up a friend of mine who was in Serdang ( name withheld since he lied to his boss saying that one of his friends met with an accident, sial kan?) and left the office at two.

By the time we got to Plaza Alam Sentral it was already 4. I told my friend,

'Nevermindlah, at least we can see him live, tak in person pun tak pe,'

Honestly I felt sorry for him than for myself. I don’t mind in person ke live ke, I just wanted to see them sing live (which they didn't and made me very, very disappointed).

But it was fun, I don’t really care pasal meet him in person since I was with my best friend. Kalau pergi sorang I don’t think I would enjoy it that much. Eh?

Why is it so hard to fall in love?

2006-10-31T21:07:00.000+08:00

This is the reason why I’ve been depressed all this while. I just wanna know why, why for the love of god is it so hard to fall in love?

Or for people to love you back for that matter.

Honestly I’m sick of this whole thing. But I can’t seem to just let it go. I’m sick of not being able to function well without that much awaited sms, or that call, or that oh so familiar ringtones. Somehow I guess people just don’t give a damn about love anymore. Maybe love to them is a disease that they somehow have to avoid.

It’s bet to avoid it rather than get sick.

Being an Aries I can’t help but being aggressive when I fall in love. Aggressive in the sense that I wanna know where I stand, all the time. I know this is stupid but I just can’t help not being next to the person I love all the time. And it hurts badly when you are all alone in your bed waiting for that final sms before you sleep. Or that final call telling you that somebody out there is thinking of you.

Sometimes I lay in bed thinking of that person so badly that I can’t cry. Do you know how hard it feels when you can’t cry? It shows that you’re helpless. Even your body rejects the idea of love. And you know how it feels going to bed at night thinking that tomorrow is always going to be better than today, but when you wake up in the morning, nothing has change, you are still you and that person is still there.

And to find your phone silent, without any messages?

I do
I do, by god I do. Every night I go through the same thing over and over again. And it’s even harder when I can’t sleep lately, and I end up spending the whole night thinking about that person.

I envy Mokciknab, Papa Khalid, Che Kam and people who have somebody they can look forward to after office hours. I envy them. Because they lead such happy lives. I know that they are not perfect and that they fight all the time. But I want that. To hell with perfection. Who needs perfection when you can just wake up to that oh so familiar face every morning? Knowing that somebody out there loves you and the thought of spending your days with that person.

I would give everything, everything to have somebody loves me.

I know that it’s not going to last forever.

‘Why start when you know how it’s going end?’

But hey,

‘Nothing last forever, there’s got to be something better in the middle.’

I want to cherish or spend that minute fraction of time with that somebody. I know that it’s not going to last forever. People don’t somehow see what’s in the middle.

I think people have fallen out of love. Every single one of them.

If not why is love so foreign?

of raya, jonker and aishah

2006-10-30T12:44:00.000+08:00

on raya

raya was fun. this year my parents decided to stay in bangi until after semayang raya. my auntie who's staying in singapore joined us two days before raya. unlike the previous years, we decided to skip the whole masak lemang and just get them from my father's friend for 2 ringgit a tube (the lemang akhirnya tak dimakan since we were very, very tired from the journey back to melaka).

masa smayang raya suddenly i felt overdressed lah plak. i had a baju malayu hitam with samping hitam. orang orang indonesia lain datang pakai kain and baju melayu je. mind you, lepas semua orang melayu blah balik kampung the only ones left were orang orang indonesia yang kilang nye masih beroperasi sebelum, semasa and selepas raya.

on balik kampung

sampai kampung je we went to empat rumah sahaja. since my younger brother dah sakit perut (makan rendang from singapore, he said) we decided to just stay at home (rumah kampung) and tido. the heat was unbearable. it was ala ala 10 degrees below hell.

the next day after hantar my auntie ke melaka, kitorang ( me and my two younger brothers) made our way to jonker walk/street.

i was looking for second hand books yang cheap and smart. my brothers just wanted to escape the heat and the constant stream of visiting relatives.

so we jalan jalan and tengok barang barang antique. my two brothers were very very interested in coins and medallions. me on the other hand was concentrating on finding an old book worth buying.

lepas jalan jalan we makan.

on aishah

lagu camar yang pulang and anita serawak's bisikan cinta are two of my favourite malay songs rite now. i can listen to them over and over and over again. and i do.

Madness of Mokciknab

2006-09-07T10:25:00.000+08:00

Mokciknab will be flying off to Jakarta this weekend. In her recent-most entry, she mentioned how the office is trying to figure out the most horrible 4-letter word in the English language. Love

True enough, we spend half the time in the office discussing matters that we would never talk about with anyone else. I guess the whole environment enable us to open up and just pour our hearts out.

Besides, most of us are living with the things we fear/loathe/love/hate the most and first thing in the morning over that much needed dose of ciggies, teh tariks and limau ais kosongs, we confess our hearts out.

Mokciknab will always be there telling us what we do not want to know. Yes you heard me. The harsh realities of life. But much needed too as somehow, sometimes, no matter how high you’re riding on love, somebody has to pull you back to earth and slap you sober and say

“He’s having doubts about the whole relationship thing”
“You’re moving too fast”
“Maybe he doesn’t like you”
“Oh my god he’s ugly”

Most of the time it’s true and no matter how hard you try to deny it, that little place in your heart will always nod to what she says.

She has this power of telling you the truth in a very beautiful way. She would use songs and situations and scenes from movies.

So enough of Mokciknab. Soon, the whole therapy session will be done through Skype.

Cerita Pasal Rumah

Mulder and Izrin have been going to furniture shops looking for the perfect wardrobe, thin and tall. This is due to the fact that there’s not much space in Mulder’s room. So he has to either, get a huge closet, place it in Izrin’s room at the risk of Izrin wearing his clothes and all, or get a thin one, which he’s been doing the past few weeks I think.

That and buying fabric for baju melayu. Seriously I don’t know that there are so many colors and textures to choose from. Me, being me, I just like to stick to something safe. Black is safe, white is too safe. Wear white and Sampin koleq and people would mistake you for a budak koleq who just doesn’t know where to draw the line.

I did want to try something other than black, but when you visit your relatives on the morning of Hari Raya, chances are you might spill some kuah kacang, or rendang on it and rendering it useless for your afternoon outing visiting more relatives, stuffing more kuah kacang and rendang in your face.

Everything else is okay with the house. We are (at least I am) getting very, very irritated by the next door neighbor’s dog(s?). Last nite when I got home, tired after dinner, it kept on barking like there was no tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs. Especially Emma’s. Stupid and quite. I just don’t like them when they are smart and loud.

Anyway. Puasa in around the corner. Ramadan always brings sadness to me, especially after both my maternal grandparents passed away during Ramadan. Despite that, I still love Ramadan because this is the time when I can just relax and beribadat. I am not exactly the poster boy for ‘Good Muslim’ but am trying very, very hard. Maybe this year I’ll attend the Tarawikh too.

A New House and A New Begining

2006-09-04T17:42:00.000+08:00

A new place
A new beginning

So it’s been a while. Initially I stopped this whole blogging thing because I was occupied with the UTP Project and all. That and the fact I was just too lazy to compose anything.

So I’ll just give you the Cliff Note's version of the things that‘s been happening.

1) UTP Tronoh
2) Khun Reed
3) Zack’s Wedding
4) This is my favorite, PINDAH RUMAH

On My Younger Brother Getting Engaged Before Me

I am still waiting for my ‘Sepersalinan’. Make that songket, 4-meter long and 4-ply gold thread. That or anything from Tiffany and Co.

On Weddings

I hate going to wedding receptions. Weddings make me feel like a loser, single and all. As if the ‘single table’ is not bad enough, they have to rub it in with speeches on relationship and all. I used to just drink the nite off and spend the nite on the bathroom floor after making fun of the dais. But now that drinking has left the system, the least I can do is sit down and come up with '10 Ways to Commit Suicide: A Loser's Guide to Ending It All'.

On New House In Pandan Indah

So we got this house in Pandan Indah ( despite my initial dislike with anything ‘Pandan’ ). It’s a 4 bedroom link house. Izrin, Mulder, Nageb and I share the rent.

On Why I Hate Anything Pandan

Blame it on my maid. When I was 6, I saw one of my friends carrying a tumbler full of green liquid. It tasted good.

“Pandan,” he answered when I asked him what it was.

I went back home and convinced my maid that you can actually make ‘Air Pandan’ by blending them. She did and gave me a glass full. I had no choice but to drink it. Needless to say our recipe for "Air Pandan" was actually a recipe for disaster. I had diarrhea and my maid was almost fired for being mildly intelligent.

On Marble Floor

The only thing that I don’t like about the house is the fact that the floor is made of marble. I just hate how cold it is when I walk in my room for a smoke (you can’t smoke in the living room because the smell would linger and that could lead to the untimely death of any one of my housemates, now we don’t want that do we). Solution?
Old Kilim rug from Old House in Bangi. Have to measure the room so as not to end up with an oversized rug.

On Super Spacious Kitchen

We are all still trying to figure out what to do with the spacious kitchen.

On Waiting Long Enough To Get What You Really Want

Mokciknab’s son, Adam, once said,

“If you wait long enough, good things will come to you”.

But then again, he was reffering to Playstation II.

On Hand Phone Charger

I manage to break my hand phone charger twice in the period of 8 months. As we are all well aware, Motorola has a penchant for discontinuing the production of certain hand phone models and its accessories, so if you break em, you throw em away and get a new one. Good marketing strategies.

But knowing me, and how I hate to spend more than 20 bucks on anything, I repeat, anything, (ok maybe I did spend a bit much on those Polo t-shirts), I tried to track down the winners who won the phone, the same time I did, and give them a call. Minus one, since I already took my friend’s charger after he lost his phone. So 3 more to go.

As I was fighting the urge to call Mahani Awang, editor Of ‘Wanita’ and borrow her charger, Ashwad told me that I could get the charger in Taman Tun. So I did. And it was cheap. 15 bucks, so instead of coughing up 100 bucks for a freaking charger that you know is going to get ruin after, say 4 months, you might as well get a 15 ringgit charger that you can just throw away and get a new one anytime you want. And true enough, mine met with an accident while I was cleaning the house on Merdeka Day. One of the clasps that were supposed to attach the charger to the phone broke and now I had to lean the phone and the charger against something so that it can work properly. Smart kan?

He will not be missed

2006-06-19T20:58:00.000+08:00

He took off his hat. The ride home was tiring. He walked slowly towards the fireplace and stood by the mantel. The flickering fire was burning slowly and slowly. Signaling the coming of its end. He brushed the lapel of his dinner jacket, touching the exact place where Ralph Emerson placed his hand.

The night was making way to a new day. In just a few hours, the sun will rise and for once, the cold silent night will not be missed.

He sat in one of his favorite chairs. The one with cigarette burns all over it. The same exact chair that he sat in when he heard of Ralph's departure.
He sat there in silence. Staring at the deep, deep amber light emanating from the fire place.

***

He opened the door to the car and slipped in. The night was extremely cold when he left his house for the Theater. The traffic was smooth considering the bad weather. He played with his leather glove trying to kill time. The driver was awfully quite tonight. They passed the Gallery without any remarks on the new exhibition, or the Grand Hotel without gossiping on the debutantes, and the familiar House on the Park without any restless feelings.

The interior of the car was musty when the driver opened the door. He smiled and walked towards the entrance where hundreds of people were waiting for his arrival. He was used to all this. There were times when he could just shut his eyes and forget about the sea of murmurs and whispers. But not tonight. His eyes were wild. Looking for that familiar face.

He was informed earlier that Ralph Emerson would be there. That after all these years he would meet him again. Oh what drama awaits him, what lines would he say and what plot would he tell.

He moved silently towards the usual Box. The box that has been his sanctuary for the past twenty years.

He would come to the Theater without fail. When he was 7, his father once said,

''…all the world is a stage…’’

And since then, he has been going to every show without fail trying to ‘place’ himself in that ’world’. And he would fail miserably. But not tonight. Tonight the show was in honor of a young gentleman who just came back from France. A young gentleman whom he knew by heart.

Her picked up his programme and read it. Savoring one word after another. Reading the name out loud in his heart.

''…Mr. Ralph Emerson…’’

He sat there in silence.

***

They looked at each other. There was a moment of hesitation. He moved towards Ralph slowly as not to scare him off like he did ten years ago. Ralph drew a warm smile, embracing his presence.

They shook hands and held on to that moment for as long as they could. They just looked into each other’s eyes. Saying words without parting lips. Ralph touched his lapel and just stood there. The crowd around them became invisible. Like smoke, they slowly evaporated one by one, leaving only the two of them in that vast ornate room. The silence between them was deafening.

The moment was brief. It was rudely interrupted by a young lady inquiring Ralph Emerson of his male acquaintance. He took a step back and formally introduced him to her. They shook hands and stood there. He excused himself leaving Mr. and Ms. Emerson.

***

Not tonight. The cold lonely night would not be missed. The thick heavy smoke would not be missed and the misery of young man would not be missed. Tomorrow morning he would be the headline. Tomorrow morning he would be missed. Tomorrow morning people would care. Tomorrow morning he would be happy.

Maybe some writer would write about him and turn his life into a play. Maybe for once in his life he would be a part of the ‘world’. He pondered silently as he held the cold metal in his hand. It’s funny how a trigger can end his 27 years of unfulfilled and meaningless life. He stared at the mechanism with much despair, placed it at his temple. He hesitated. But would there be any hopes for him should he decide to abandon his plan and wait restlessly for another cold, lonely night, or another play for that matter.

He closed his eyes tightly and pulled the trigger.

SHALLOW ME

2006-05-30T11:16:00.000+08:00

Here are some things about me

Since I don’t have any topics worth writing. I’m just going to indulge myself in some shallow stuff

5 Things I love

1. My 3G mobile phone
2. My HUGE brown leather bag
3. My watch
4. My books (esp. The God of Small Things and Forget You Had a Daughter)
5. My CDs

5 Things I Despise

1. Tardiness
2. Stupidity
3. Ignoramus
4. People-talking, plastic-rustling and popcorn-picking noises in cinema
5. Sugar

5 Pet Peeves

1. The Smell of Cigarettes
2. Bitchy Remarks
3. Chocolates
4. My inability to listen to my own advice
5. My inability to express myself

10 Things I wanna do before I die

1. Meet
a. Pedro Almodovar
b. Zaha Hadid
c. Kristin Scott Thomas
d. Sophia Loren
e. Jane Goodall
2. Visit the Vatican and touch Bernini’s Baldachino
3. Have lunch with Andrea Bocelli in Tuscany
4. Play polo in Argentina
5. Attend the Golden Globe Awards
6. Write a book
7. Curate Frida Kahlo’s Show
8. Get myself a Picasso or a Monet (whichever one is cheaper)
9. Get Married
10. Register at Tiffany

5 Things I wanna do before 2010

1. Get myself a Porsche/Range Rover/Mercedez Benz
2. Get myself a house
3. Get myself someone I can bring to my 10th year reunion
4. Fall in love
5. Fall out of love

MCKK9600.COM

2006-05-25T19:43:00.000+08:00

9600 members, please register yerself there.
Thanks

I scored and...I scored

2006-05-23T11:01:00.000+08:00

Yunus, Illa, Me, Keanu, Ash, Eddie, Bagak and Nizam

Last weekend kitorang (Che Mie and all) lepak dekat Holiday Villa in Ampang. The whole thing was organized so that Che Mie boleh masak for all the people yang takde dkt Melaka.

It was so best. The sambal (by Kak Limah) and the Daging and the Nasi yang best by Che Mie, and the Yogurt best by MokcikNab. We ate like there was no tomorrow. Hehehehe. I spend the time memotong bawang and garlic.

Basically Che Mie organized the thing so that we could lepak-lepak and makan-makan. I left around 10 to meet Keanu who just came back from Indonesia (apparently the last time we met he said that he’d only come back in two years time). Keanu and I chilled at Bora Ombak with Eddie, Nageb and Illa. Biase biase je. Borak-borak and all. Izrin was not in KL. Dekat Kerteh for the next few weeks. So yours truly yang jadi organizer for that mini ‘teh-tarik-limau-ais-takde-gula session. Needless to say, I failed miserably lah kan. Hehehhehe.

Went back to Holiday Villa around 3 and slept.

Spend the whole Saturday afternoon lepak-lepak and tidur.

After that Che Mie and I went to Great Eastern Mall to get some stuff for dinner.
I went for futsal around 10 that nite. Lepas jemput Pyan yang tgh menunggu dekat lobby I went to pick up Keanu after that.

Mulder (in blue), Iqbal (with t-shirt covering his face), Pyan (in blue), and Keanu (front, in white)

Futsal was great. Banyak lah orang ade. Iqhbal, Dayne and banyak lagi were there. I scored 1 goal. Hehheeh. I was delirious. No wonder org suka main futsal nih.

Delayed Words

2006-05-09T10:21:00.001+08:00

22nd May 2006 (tak tahu aku camne nak tukar date nih
(This was written about three weeks ago)

It’s been weeks since I last penned any words here. I’ve been taking a much needed break from life. I quit my job at the gallery (despite much protest). I feel that somehow, the time has come for me to venture into other fields. I left the gallery with much sadness and despair. But then again, I was craving for a major change in my life.

My friend came back from Japan and stayed with me for almost a week. We got to talking about Koleq again. It was so nice. I pulled out cards and pictures that I collected during my five year stay there. We talked (analyzed) about all the things that happened in 2000.

Upon Pyan’s arrival, Izrin organized numerous dinners in Ampang. It was sort of like a ritual for us, welcoming people into the ‘working world’. Most of the usual people were there. Noune, Eddie, Mulder, and Nizam. We discussed about upcoming events (Batch’s Dinner and Zack’s Wedding). A few of us shamelessly appointed ourselves as the ‘head of committees' for these events. I on the other end aimed far, about 4 years in advance. I appointed myself as the ‘Head of the Gifts and Souvenirs’ department for the 10th year anniversary dinner/reunion. Eddie was appointed as the new President, Izrin was appointed as the Project Manager for all the events, Yunus head of PR and Mulder as the Treasurer.

The posts were not final as there were only 6-8 of us which each person representing almost 30 people. But we figured that somebody had to do something about the welfare of 9600.

I’ve also watched, again, the Brokeback Mountain with Pyan this time with more opportunity to analyze the much hyped film. After much debate, we came up with 2 conclusions;
1. Men do not know how to express themselves
2. We constantly need verbal affirmation on where we stand and what the current situation is.

We waste our time expecting the word love to jump in our face ever so often that we forget to just sit back and ‘feel’ love.

In the words of Landon Carter in ‘A Walk to Remember’,

“...I'll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.”

I'll be blogging again

2006-05-09T10:21:00.000+08:00

very soon.

SKYPE ME SOBER

2006-04-19T14:20:00.000+08:00

OMG

Skype.com is so cool
You can make pc to pc call. It's super clear

skype me@rizalauzritz

If These Walls Could Talk

2006-04-18T11:42:00.000+08:00

‘I’m in too deep there’s no way out’
Runaway Train, Soul Asylum

‘When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love.’
Shania Twain, You’re Still The One.

Che Mie, Alyn, Muz and Me

It started off with a trip that lasted for three days. I didn’t know why I even bothered to go back. Maybe it was the longing for the scent of Kuala Kangsar, or the soothing breeze of Sungai Kangsar.

We left for Kuala early in the morning on Friday. Papa Khalid and Che Mie were my traveling companions. We stopped in Tanjung Malim to savor the delicious (almost sinful) ‘pau’ and some much needed mee gorengs before reaching Kuala Kangsar.

As soon as I saw the imposing structures of Big School, my heart sank.

‘I’m home’, I said silently.

We checked in at the ‘Hotel of the Stars’ (Sri Kangsar). The manager gave us soaps and towels. Suddenly, I felt like a ‘lady of the night’. Heheheh

Papa Khalid

My friends came later that nite. Izrin, Pyan and Eddy left for Kuala around 9.00. By 12.30, we headed to Big School. Che Mie and Papa Khalid decided to stay at Sri Kangsar.

When we got to the tent in the middle of Padang C, most of my batch members were there. Megat, Za’ba, Al, Shah, Luqman and Hezwan. We talked for a while. Mostly on works, colleges and such.

Pyan and I decided to walk to Big School.

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

I touched every walls and windowsills, Balustrades and beds. I needed to have the textures etched in my head. I longed for the sensation of the wooden floors against my skin. I inhaled as much memories as I could, trying to cram everything into my head.

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

I would go back year after another, searching for answers to questions so vague. I would come back empty handed.

Pyan and I talked and went from one dorm to another. Trying to point out what had changed over the last 6 years and what remained the same.

After big school, we made our way to Prep School.

Prep School

Prep School greeted me with that familiar somber and calm air. We walked from one dorm to another, identifying who slept in which bed. By the time we got to Prep School, Izrin, Eddy and Zaid joined us. Pyan was obsessed with trying to find the present 115, the others were busy pointing out this and that.

The next day, we spend hours waiting for our turn to rehearse for the nite. Around 6.30, the wind orchestra came in for their rehearsal. It was really, really good. I spotted someone in the ensemble. He reminded me of somebody I used to spend time with when I was in school. I was determined to find out more about him. (I found out later that this chap has the same name as somebody I used to spend time with when I was in school)

Che Mie and I lepaking in front of Big School

The rehearsal went well. The only thing that I was kinda disappointed in was the sound system. I could barely hear my voice let alone sing in tune.

By the time the rehearsal was over, I was so tired. We had dinner in Lembah with a couple of people. Muz, Alyn (Muz’s wife), Dr Mohazmi and Morkymoqq.

I went back to my room and I fell asleep until 8.30. Thank god Che Mie woke me up or I’d sleep all nite.

We headed towards Hargreaves Hall to perform for the nite. It was raining that nite. We stayed backstage as we waited for our turn. We (Che Mie and I) sang our song, ‘Seribu Impian’. Despite the audio problems, we sang full heartedly.

I sang that song when I was in F1 back in 1996. Suddenly all those memories flooded my heart. It was surreal.

And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand

Somebody came up and sang ‘Runaway Train’. Mase tuh I just couldn’t contain what I felt anymore. I shed a couple of tears. And then somebody came up and sang ‘Still got the Blues’. That time I almost choke on my tears. But I held it back. Afraid that somebody might see.

Gary Moore - Still Got The Blues

Used to be so easy
to give my heart away
But I've found out the hard way
there's a price you have to pay
I found that love
was no friend of mine
I should have known
time after time

So long, it was so long ago
but I've still got the blues for you

Used to be so easy
to fall in love again
But I've found out the hard way
it's a road that leads to pain
I've found out that love
was more than just a game
you play on to win
but you lose just the same

So long, it was so long ago
but I've still got the blues for you

so many years
since I've seen your face
but here in my heart
there's an empty space
where you used to be

So long, it was so long ago
but I've still got the blues for you
Though the days come and go
there's one thing I know
I've still got the blues for you

The concert ended with a blast. Somebody sang ‘Sweet Child Of Mine’. Mase tuh, I didn’t know what to do anymore. Thank god Za’ba was sitting next to me after most of my friends decided to leave the hall.

We screamed like nobody’s business. Maybe it was the song, maybe it was the venue, and maybe it was our hearts. Whatever it was we were 17 again that nite.

The next morning,I woke up with this shitty feeling in my heart. If only I’d stay back that nite and spend the nite in Pavillion.

We had breakfast and headed to Prep School to give the remaining of my cake to one of the Prep School prefects I met the nite before.

We left around 1.

To Che Mie:
Isn’t he lovely

To Papa Khalid:
Thanks for being such a nice companion

To Pyan:
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town

To Muz and Alyn:
You guys are cool

To a certain Prep School prefect:
Why lah did you go and follow those people pergi minum?

In the words of Tunku Adnan,
"We can never say 'goodbye', we can only say 'till we meet again'"

I don’t know how to put all the feelings that I felt in the past three days into words.
I don’t think I can. Even if I could, I don’t think I want to. I think some things are better left unsaid.

Some Pics are from Che Mie's Blog. The Big School pic is from Kichi's Fotopages

Vienna

2006-04-09T12:39:00.000+08:00

Vienna by Billy Joel

Slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told..
That you can get what you want or you get old
You're gonna kick off before you even
Get halfway through
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight,...
Too bad but it's the life you lead
you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right. you're right

You've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?
And you know that when the truth is told
that you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get half through
Why don't you realize,. Vienna waits for you
When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

GEMARIMBA GALLERY LAUNCHES SUZLEE IBRAHIM’S Foundation: lines & marks

2006-04-05T10:45:00.001+08:00

Suzlee Ibrahim is an abstract artist who has exhibited his works in more than 200 exhibitions and cultural activities, both locally and internationally. After 2 years of research, he starts working on a series of paintings called ‘Movement Series’ since 1995. After the success of Movement Series, he explores Dubai in search of new ideas. This leads him to discovering ‘Space Series’, a series which explores the development of Dubai and its cosmopolitan vibe.

Returning from Dubai, Suzlee seeks to find new ideas and subject matters to dwell on. He starts a new series of paintings based on the basic visual elements, such as lines and marks. Creating basic interpretations of ideas and matters.

Works that are to be displayed at Gemarimba Gallery in April will consist of selected works from both the ‘Movement Series’, the ‘Space Series’ and new works from the ‘Foundation Series’. The exhibition will also put forth works that mark the transition from the earlier series to the current one.

Details are as follows:

Date

8th April 2006

Time

5pm

Venue

Gemarimba Gallery
B8
Taman Tunku Apartments
Langgak Tunku
Bukit Tunku
50480 Kuala Lumpur

Shitty

2006-04-02T17:38:00.000+08:00

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
And summer's lease hath all too short a date.
Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,
And often is his gold complexion dimmed;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance, or nature's changing course untrimmed.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall death brag thou wand'rest in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st,
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.

Sonnet 18

Heheehhe
Am feeling a lil down today. God’s knows why.
Btw,
A lot more people wish me on my birthday. I’m just too tired to list down their names and all

I don’t know what to write today. I have this impulse to tell the whole world 'bout everything, but for now, I don’t know. Nothing seems right.

Maybe these quotes here will explain in general how I feel:

From ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’:

Julianne Potter: Michael... I love you. I've loved you for nine years, I've just been too arrogant and scared to realize it, and... well, now I'm just scared. So, I realize this comes at a very inopportune time but I really have this gigantic favor to ask of you. Choose me. Marry me. Let me make you happy. Oh, that sounds like three favors, doesn't it?

And another one

Michael O'Neill: Kimmy says if you love someone you say it, you say it right then, out loud. Otherwise the moment just...
Julianne Potter: Passes you by...
Michael O'Neill: Passes you by...

(Which btw I’m so going to use one day)

From ‘Never Been Kissed’:

Josie Geller: That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time.
Cynthia: Damn girl... you are a writer.

From ‘City of Angels’:

Seth: I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.

From ‘Notting Hill’:

Anna Scott: "For June who loved this garden from Joseph who always sat beside her." Some people do spend their whole lives together.

Anna Scott: After all... I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

From ‘Pretty Woman’:

Vivian: I want the fairy tale.

From ‘Ever After’:

Leonardo da Vinci: I know that a life without love is no life at all.
Henry: And love without trust?

Henry: Do you really think there is only one perfect mate?
Leonardo da Vinci: As a matter of fact, I do.
Henry: Well then how can you be certain to find them? And if you do finally find them, are they really the one for you or do you only think they are? And what happens if the person you're supposed to be with never appears, or she does, but you're too distracted to notice?
Leonardo da Vinci: You learn to pay attention.
Henry: Then let's say God puts two people on Earth and they are lucky enough to find one another. But one of them gets hit by lightning. Well then what? Is that it? Or, perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you're supposed to be with or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side were they both the one for you and you just happened to meet the first one first or was the second one supposed to be first? And is everything just chance or are some things meant to be?

From ‘Before Sunset’:

Jesse: Good, I like being here.

Celine: The concept is absurd. The idea that we can only be complete with another person is evil! Right?

Celine: You can never replace anyone because everyone is made up of such beautiful specific details.

Get the drift?
Later

The Affair Of The Birthday Party

2006-03-30T14:35:00.000+08:00

Happy 23rd birthday to myself.
Pathetic, I know
Anyway last night I spend the night at Emma’s house in Ampang. I needed a break from everything. We sorted out our lives. We did some work and ended up talking bout her boyfriend and my miserable love life. It was nice to catch up with friends and all.

Before I went to bed, I switched off my phone since the battery alarm was already beeping. And when I woke up this morning I was surprised to see 2 of the nicest people (well one is the nicest the other is still uncertain) wishing me ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’ and all.

So anyway.
So far I have only one due birthday celebration to be held in Kuala Kangsar (under the Big Tree). Dress code Marie Antoinette (instead of losing her head at the end of the 'party', she'll be getting one).

I’ll be there as Jeanne St Remy de Lamotte Valois

the night she got that necklace (she'll be getting herself a 'pearl necklace' at the end of the party) from Boehmer and Bassenge, heheheh.

That or the night Eva Peron stood at the Balcony of that Casa Rosada to give her speech or something.

As for celebrations in KL I don’t think I have the mood since my gaji is not banked in yet.
Plus, ‘23’ is not ‘17’.

So here is a list of the people who’ve wished me:

29th March

Amier in Australia
Chikabee (myspace)
Coffee (myspace)
Wei Lim (myspace)
Dalin Alisha (myspace)
Ashruff (myspace)
Paris (myspace)
Coffee (myspace)
Azreezal Hafidz
Lily
Emma

30th March

Emma
Che Mie (4 times!!)
Norein
Husni
Mulder
Hazel
Amier in Australia
Adam (myspace)
Kochi (friendster)
Mimie in Cyberjaya
Megat Alfie
Lil Ziesha
Maggie Tan
Bedfordgal35

images via austrianantoinette.tripod.com, www.metroactive.com and movies.yahoo.com

President's Night and Birth Day

2006-03-29T16:12:00.000+08:00

A few nights ago I went to MCOBA President’s Night hosted by Tunku Adnan at The Royal Lake Club (yes, with Che Mie).
It was very interesting (I wouldn’t say fun since I was so kenyang gile amat sangat)
I met Reza Arif, Sharizal Md Sidek, Azri Aziz (my batch members), Wawa, Kichi, Concon, Apek, erm.. who else.. ramai lagilah. The hall was not quite full as there were many tables left unfilled. Anyway the food was okay (the fettuccini tasted like plain flour, but edible lah).
We sat at the back, somewhere between the fettuccini and the soup. The idea was to grab as much food as possible. Hehehhe.
I saw TAB's watch. A Cartier's Santos which I just loved to bits. Tunku Vic nye watch pun smart gak. Cartier's Tank I think.
Hehehehe.

Anyway,
Tomorrow is my birthday. Officially, as appeared in my i.c, it’s supposed to be todaylah, but since my dad was too busy to double-check the date with my mum, he registered my birthday on the 29th instead of the 30th.

So I’m 23 years old tomorrow.
How does if feel to be 23?
Weirdly nice. Don’t ask me why. I don’t know how to explain it.

Anyway happy birthday to:
Acai (27th March 1983)
Khidir (30th March 1983)
Keanu (2nd April 1983)

The rest nanti aku wish jugak. I need to find that stupid calendar of mine.

Comments

2006-03-25T17:16:00.000+08:00

Sungguh bodoh sekali
it took me a few months to figure out mane komen semua pergi
so from today onwards semua org boleh komen

Of myth and mindset

2006-03-25T17:03:00.000+08:00

A few weeks back, when I attend the much-needed class for my driving test, my instructor tells me that she can’t come the next day. She has to see a ‘bomoh’ in Kuala Lumpur since she is having problems sleeping since her body itches every night for the past few nights.

She convince me that this particular ‘bomoh’ is good since she has to queue up for hours just to see him. She is convinced that dia ‘dibuat orang’.

A few months back, I receive the news that one of my favorite grandaunts has cancer. She too seeks the help of a ‘bomoh’, not the same one, to ‘cure the cancer’. The bomoh tells her (despite the fact that a few days earlier a doctor tells her that she has cancer) that dia ‘disembur oleh puntianak’.

Another grandaunt has to dress her 2-year-old daughter in black for one year due to some bomoh’s predictions. Failing to do so will result to my grandaunt losing her daughter to ‘orang bunian’. The daughter has to change her name to ‘buruk’ during that one-year period.

I don’t know what is happening to the world today. Day in day out you watch information on diseases on TV, yet we resort to ‘bomohs’ to help us cure these so called ‘buatan orang’/’sembur dengan puntianak’/ ‘orang bunian culik’. Are we living in denial?

For some people, knowing the truth is not exactly ‘their cup of tea’. They prefer to listen to these ‘bomohs’ instead of religiously taking the pills/medications given by the doctors.

To the driving instructor, I tell her that maybe her liver is not functioning well, thus resulting the body to itch (it happens to my late grandmother, she is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer), to that favorite grandaunt of mine, the one with breast cancer, I just feel like smacking her sober. She has an ‘anak saudara’ in KL who is a doctor. We tell her every week to go and meet the ‘anak saudara’ to get further treatment. To date, she still refuses to accept the fact that she has cancer. To that other grandaunt her daughter actually has Infantile eczema.

I’m not denying the existence of this so-called black magic phenomenon in the Malay Culture. But, we have to make full use of progress as well. Ape guna we hantar our kids to universities if by the end of the day we still resort to this practice of trusting the bomohs. We have to belief in modern medicine jugak.

So make your choice. Nak mati dengan bomoh ke atau nak mati lepas we try as hard as we can.

Essentially Kuala Kangsar

2006-03-23T16:41:00.000+08:00

In a few weeks time I will make my yearly pilgrimage back to Kuala Kangsar, home to Malay College Kuala Kangsar.

Despite initial doubts of whether I’ll be driving or ‘tumpang’-ing Che Mie, (driving = spending some needed time alone with a certain gentleman, ‘tumpang’-ing= laughter laced roadtrip), I have prepared enough things to make my stay in Kuala Kangsar…erm…I wanna use the word ‘chic’, but lets just stick to ‘interesting’.

A few teachers of mine back in Kuala Kangsar have insisted that I book a room soon since Kuala Kangsar does not have that many hotels (3, I think). Why stay at the hotel when you can stay for free in college? Simple. Some of us may have special needs that can only be fulfilled in the privacy provided by these hotels. Some need to blow their hair, other simply need to blow.

I need to bring some toiletries and towels and thongs (for feet) to avoid accidents and mishaps when taking shower inside the infamous door-less toilets of MCKK (in case rooms are all fully booked). I nearly died when I had no shorts to shower in (underwear in the shower? No, definitely not my style), during the Centennial Celebration.

Also, we will be bringing enough ‘beauty’ products (moisturizer -damn hot-lah Kuala Kangsar, mineral water-nak beli kat KK? Good luck trying to park your car in KK during OBW, hair dryer-because we’re worth it?) to face the harsh reality of that beauty driven,disciminating school (only those who’re fair were favored, I didn’t discover the benefit of Estee Lauder White Light back then, so sadly I too was discriminated)

Food is optional since I need to fit into my ‘weird’ looking green and white cardigan, to be worn in case suddenly God decides to bless the town with rain. Shoes? Loafers, since we are all too lazy and too busy to be tying our own shoes. Pants? Khakis, lots of ‘em, with (erm) crested polo t-shirts.

Sunglasses? A must. To avoid being recognized by unwanted people. The bigger the better.

Spiritual preparations?

This is very important in case one of your friends turn out to be pigging his way through life, get married, become a millionaire. Thus, one shall have to go with an open mind and deep, deep faith, (preferably deeper than Madonna’s the night she performed You Must Love Me life in front of Millions of Viewers, Oscar 1997).

Case in point, one old boy nearly lost his breath when he found out that his ‘friends’ when he was in college got married without telling him. He can very well say goodbye to you know what.

Last but never the least cash, see you don’t have to be spending all of them in Kuala Kangsar, God forbid if you plan to do so, since there’s hardly anything worth buying there. You should be extra careful with your cash. Case in point, moi circa 2004, OBW.

Current students are driven by money, apparently someone started this rumor that the old boys have private ATM machines in their wallets, thus prompted the current boys to attack the Old Boys viciously. I ran out of cash 2 hours before going back to KL. Not very good.

Places to be seen at in Kuala Kangsar

1. Yut Loy, very famous for its delicious food. Come early or you‘ll be forced to wait for 2 hours just to get a seat. I seriously think they should re-open the first floor dining area to accommodate the growing number of visitors during OBW. Eat as much as possible. Halal? Do we look like we care?

2. Big Field. Under those trees preferably to avoid premature ageing. Mingle with captains of industries and if you’re lucky, Maria Farida.

3. Kota Lama. Tres Chic. A plus if you have a summer house there.

4. The balconies of Big School.

5. The cendol stalls. One word. Tradition, tradition, tradition

Places NOT to be seen at in Kuala Kangsar

1. Lembah with current boys, unless you’re a father or a brother of a current boy. Read: Micheal Jackson

2. Bus stand, trying to catch the 2.30 bus to Ipoh. Get a car or well, rent one. It’s very, very worth it.

3. Bukit Chandan visiting museums and such. God, this is not a field trip and it should not be one.

4. In bed with any of the current boys. Read: Micheal Jackson

Music

1. Soul Asylum: Runaway Train

2. Anything by Chicago

3. Pearl Jam

4. Goo-goo Dolls

5. Hotel California (“…you can check out anytime you want, but you can never leave…”)

Things that you should not bring to Kuala Kangsar on OBW

1. Your wife/girlfriends/beau/partner. You don’t want them to wonder aimlessly when you’re talking to Tunku Adnan do you? Besides, a weekend alone in KL with their best friends might be just what they need.

2. Any old pictures taken when you’re in Koleq. There’s a limit to being sentimental.

3. Emotional Baggage.

Billie Myers

2006-03-23T13:00:00.000+08:00

Billie Myers
Kiss the rain

Hello
Can you hear me?
Am I gettin' through to you?
Hello
Is it late there?
There's a laughter on the line
Are you sure you're there alone?
Cause I'm tryin' to explain
Somethin's wrong
Ya just don't sound the same
Why don't you, why don't you
Go outside, go outside

Chorus:
Kiss the rain
Whenever you need me
Kiss the rain
Whenever I'm gone, too long.
If your lips
Feel lonely and thirsty
Kiss the rain
And wait for the dawn.
Keep in mind
We're under the same skies
And the nights
As empty for me, as for you
If ya feel
You can't wait till mornin'
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain
Kiss the rain

Hello
Do you miss me?
I hear you say you do
But not the way I'm missin' you
What's new?
How's the weather?
Is it stormy where you are?
Cause I'm so close but it feels like you're so far
Oh would it mean anything
If you knew what I'm left imagining
In my mind, in my mind
Would you go, would you go
Kiss the rain
And you'd fall over me
Think of me, think of me, think of me, only me

Repeat Chorus

Kiss the rain, kiss the rain
Kiss the rain, kiss the rain
Hello Can ya hear me? Can ya hear me? Can ya hear me?

You're gone

2006-03-21T18:32:00.000+08:00

"Could it be any harder to say goodbye
live without you,
Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true
If I only had one more day

Well I'd jump at the chance
We'd drink and we'd dance
And I'd listen close to your every word,
As if it's your last, but I know it's your last,
Cause today, oh, you're gone

Like sand on my feet
The smell of sweet perfume
You stick to me forever baby
I wish you didn't go,
I wish you didn't go,
I wish you didn't go away
To touch you again,
With life in your hands.
It couldn't be any harder.. harder.. harder"

Image via picturequest.com

Youth Craver

2006-03-19T18:52:00.000+08:00

A few nights ago my friends and I went on a late night excursion to Bangsar. We headed to our usual place, Pelita Nasi Kandar. Bangsar was filled with adolescents celebrating their SPM victories/failures. We had to practically get botox just to blend in.

As I stared at the clubs and pubs, I couldn’t help but wondering, whatever happens to my youth.

I mean I’m still 22 and working, happy (?) and well, enjoying it. But somehow I feel tired and I just want to lay my mattress in the middle of everything and sleep my youth off.

Most of my 22 year old friends are busy planning what to wear to their next party while I on the other hand was busy figuring out what to wear to my alumni’s President’s Night, KL’s equivalent to the FORBES Top 500 Dinner.

I looked at the table across me and saw three guys talking and taking their time. Smoking, drinking and all. And there I was trying to finish my food as soon as I could so that I could get home early and sleep.

I wonder.

Why do we force ourselves to be old when youth is all the elders crave?

Run

2006-03-18T18:01:00.000+08:00

When they pulled her out of the bathtub, her clothes were drenched in blood. Blood and water. The police took the paper from her hand and placed it in one of the clear bags meant for evidence. The manager said she paid in cash. The cleaner heard her crying last night.
She had dirty blonde hair. He face sunken. She looked like she hasn’t had anything for a week. She had a suitcase, the manager said to the policeman. He clothes were dirty, with and without blood. A hooker said the policeman, looking at the letter, the suitcase (filled with jeans and t-shirts. And a picture of her family.

“One of them white kids from Alabama,” said the guy who was standing behind the yellow tape.
“She looks like a hooker,” said the cleaner
“She was mental,” said the policeman

They all assumed that they knew everything about her.

They didn’t know that 40 bucks was all she had last nite. They didn’t know that underneath that jeans and t-shirts she had a dress. They didn’t know that she was from a small town on Ohio. They didn’t know bout the conversation that she had with her mother 3 weeks ago before she took the bus down to California. They didn’t know that she had a dream. A dream so big that life was meaningless without it. They didn’t know that she cried every night, thinking of her little brother and her mother.

They didn’t know that she ran away from home.

Runaway Train

2006-03-18T17:27:00.001+08:00

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a slow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

CHORUS
Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here no there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

CHORUS

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same

Angel

2006-03-18T17:22:00.000+08:00

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

Of Kembara and Kuala Kangsar

2006-03-18T17:03:00.000+08:00

Shit
Suddenly feeling sedih sangat
I dunno why but lately, since the OBW is just around the corner
Terasa nak balik sangat kat koleq
Damn

BTW
I’m going back to Kuala Kangsar on the 14th sampai 16th of April
For the OBW.
Might be driving

And yes, I have a license already
(I’ll tell you bout the very very scary experience soon)
as of now
I’m too tired to even sleep

Damn, it's that familiar song again

" Don't love me for fun girl,
Let me be the one girl..."

Hmmmm
Shit!
Now I seriously miss Koleq

Forbidden fruits

2006-03-08T17:16:00.000+08:00

I've waited 6 years to see you again and I don't mind waiting forever just to have you looking at me

Excerpts II

2006-03-08T16:56:00.000+08:00

Sunset over the Straits of Malacca

In excerpts II, we will talk about one of my best birthday parties thrown by my parents.

Well, this happened when I was about 2-3 years old. My parents, my brother and I celebrated my birthday by the beach. I think it was somewhere in Melaka. It was so damn best. A simple cake and surrounded by my family. Mase tuh I still remember our family car. A Daihatsu yang so kecik, and no airconds ye. Mase tu mane ade panas-panas macam sekarang and seriously it was so damn smart.

So anyway, the celebration was held dekat one of those beaches in Melaka. I still remember there were these boats yang people used for regattas and all. Ade siap dragon-dragon motifs lagi.

Memang best.

Mase potong cake, the sun was macam nak terbenam dah and we were in this really beautiful orangy light and seriously I would trade everything that I have rite now to be in that place and time again.

Mak and Abah, I love you so very much. Thanks for being the best parents. And to my adik-adik, despite my foul mouth, I love you guys to bits.

Image via www.pulau-pangkor.com

Pachelbel Canon in D

2006-03-07T19:30:00.000+08:00

My Song

MCKK Pics

2006-03-07T19:13:00.000+08:00

in these corners
are hidden secrets
that may never be explain
and may never be spoken

for when the dawn comes
oh ye sun so faithsull shines
brightly with you the day
the secrets are all tucked away

rise oh we
the bearer of the torch, in thee
we put our hopes and dreams
for with eternal lights you gleam

"Out of what scum, and up from what abyss,
Had they arrived--these rags of memory. "
Alma Mater by Edwin Arlington Robinson

Gin Blossoms

2006-03-07T18:51:00.001+08:00

Til I hear it from you by Gin Blossoms

Sugar High

2006-03-07T18:44:00.000+08:00

I’ve been staying off sugar since 2001. Partly because of the fact I get really nauseous after having certain amount of sugar in my body. Hence the ‘limau ais takde gula’ and the no sugar policy I’ve been practicing.

Tapi lately I really need to get myself a really huge chocolate. Damn

Seriously keinginan sugar yang amat melampau.

Harituh mase Che Mie’s party I finished of the chocolate tiramisu/cake/ice-cream/sinfull thing yang was on the table before we went back.

But fear not, heheheh
Since my birthday is around the corner (hint, hint), I’ve this dream where I would like makan a whole tub (bathtub) of chocolate with weird looking candles and weird looking people around me. Ala-ala a birthday party thrown by P.T. Barnum. Maybe that’s the sign that I’m craving something that I can’t have? Erk!

Anyway since my birthday is around the corner (again).

I would like to write a few excerpts from my life
Kinda like a countdown to my birthday lah

So here we go,

These happened when I was in F3 back when I was in MCKK. Well I made a big deal about my birthday and all. So the seniors (well some of them) ended up throwing me three birthday parties:

I: by Alek (98) and Alek (99), in front of the library after prep. Mase tuh I was kinda surprised since I was not that rapat ngan these people. I think Wariz was there as well. I was rapat ngan Alek and Wariz pun sebab we were in the debating team. It was kinda weird but cool since ade jugak orang yang ingatkan my birthday mase tuh.

II. by Fairul and some seniors which I seriously tak ingat. It was in conjunction with Acai’s birthday. So we had the usual stuff (cake and all)

III. by my senior dorm. I had a row with Zaha a few days earlier so I had to apologize to him before we could cut the cake. Hahhhaaha. It was kinda very menakutkan since they told me in a way that I thot the dorm (f3) kena ‘Night Court’. Hehehe. Scary Mary!

And here’s a shameless list of what I want for my birthday (it’s easier since you guys don’t have to figure out what to get and what not to get kan, heheheh. It’s not like anybody read this shit anyway)

i. A freaking watch
ii. Books.
iii. T shirts
iv. Chocolates (lots of ‘em)
v. A day off (I wish lah kan)
vi. Erm…anything, surprise me. Hahhaahah.
vii. A freaking GF (since my mum dah tanye “Mane girlfriend kau?”
viii. a certain banker

image from www.robineau.co.uk

Some People

2006-03-01T19:29:00.000+08:00

Will never learn

TV3

3 Women I admire the most

2006-03-01T18:28:00.000+08:00

The mother
Jackie Kennedy

The daughter
Carolyn Bessette

and

The fleeting spirit
Ali McGraw

(Image via Image Source, Exblog and John Robert Powers)

Always (on my mind)

2006-03-01T15:35:00.000+08:00

14. When you argue and fight with them, but still cant get them out of your mind(yeah, all the time)

13. When your on the phone with them late at night and they hang up but you miss them already when it was just five minutes ago ( we don't actually talk. we never sms)

12. You read their texts over and over again (but when we do, i'd keep those sms-es)

11. You walk really slow when you're with them (kinda)

10. You feel shy whenever you're with them (hahhaah, yeah, all the time)

9. When you think about them, your heart beats faster and faster (yup)

8. You smile when you hear their voice (this one too)

7. When you look at them, you can't see the other people around
you... all you see is him/her (hardly)

6. You start listening to slow songs, while thinking of them (that's the song i'm listening to rite now)

5. They become all you think about (6 years. I've been thinking about that person for the past 6 years)

4. You get high just from their scent and there kiss (scent yes, kiss erm.. i can't remember)

3. You realize that you're always smiling to yourself when you think about them (nope. that would be stupid. than again, reading this is kinda stupid as well)

2. You would do anything for them (hell, yeah!)

1. While reading this, there was one person on your mind the whole time (hmmm)

Petrol

2006-03-01T13:57:00.000+08:00

The recent increase of petrol price has definitely caused an uproar. We have experienced approximately 12 ‘harga minyak naik’ announcements since 1980’s. We can’t blame the government for that since government is doing the very best they can to avoid Malaysian from paying the actual price of oil, which is around RM 3.00 per liter.

We should be kind of thankful that we’re not living in Oslo or something where the price of oil/petrol/gas per liter can reach up to RM 7.00 (I know, I know income-per-capita and all. But still).

One of the reasons for the increase of oil price (according to the government) is that they (the government) feel that it is wise to spend the money (previously for subsidizing oil, which amounted up to RM 4.4 bil. per year) to improve the public transport system.

Which is kind of good. Considering that we, as Malaysian should use the public transportation more often (to avoid among others, the horrendous Jalan Tun Razak traffic jam every Friday).

Anyway

I would like to suggest a few steps that the government can take to further save the country’s money. These suggestions may not reach the Parliament, but hopefully, it will help Malaysia to be a better country. Besides, shouldn’t we all be patriotic?

i. Stop spending huge amount of money on unnecessary stuff like ‘Pasu Bunga Di Tepi Jalan’ that are used once every ‘persidangan’. We can always resort to just ‘tanam bunga’ on the curb itself instead of using the ‘pasu’. Besides the ‘pasu’ are so dangerous and very distracting to motorists.

ii. Stop building another ‘pusat persidangan antarabangsa’ or international convention center. Seriously. We have the Putrajaya Convention Center, Mines Convention Center, Berjaya Times Square Convention Center and the KL Convention Center. I know, I know that these places are booked until the year 2020, but seriously how many convention centers do we really need? Besides, we have that old and traditional PWTC which to me is a gorgeous building and should be utilized more often. It should be a national brand where if people say,
“Oh where is it going to be held?”
“Oh, You know Putra World”

‘For the time being that’s all on ‘how the country can save more money’

The next segment is going to be on how the country can spend the ‘saved money’

i. Improve the infrastructure of schools throughout Malaysia. Isn’t education everything?

ii. Help the poor. As one of the most developed countries in South East Asia, there should be no excuse for poverty. Help these poor people and ‘Untukmu’ will just be another passé TV programs.

iii. Continue the KL-Ipoh double-track railway project. This project will further help to develop both these cities. People in Ipoh can work in KL and vice versa. Traveling would be fun and ‘Cuti-Cuti Malaysia’ can be so easy and relaxing.

That’s all for now.

And for those of you who don't know, Malaysia has no say what so ever in the price of crude oil per barrel since Malaysia is not a member of OPEC and we don’t really have a major control in the world oil production/market.
These are the members of OPEC
Algeria
Indonesia
Iran
Iraq
Kuwait
Libya
Nigeria
Qatar
Saudi Arabia
UAE
And
Venezuela

According to my friend who’s working for Esso.
Read more about

OPEC

It pays to GOOGLE.

Driving

2006-02-28T16:22:00.000+08:00

This morning I attended my first driving class. I woke up at 7.30 and bersiap-siap, waited for the Makcik Driver who’s going to teach me how to drive a stick.
So daunting ok in the beginning.

I planned to read the driving-school book last night, but malas. I was just so tired. Dah lah the price of oil naik lagi (this time 30 cent!!). On the way back from Ikano last night, all the petrol stations were packed with drivers yang were trying to buy minyak before 12. Hmm.

So the driving class was ok. I kind of like it. You know, after 23 years of sitting and watching people drive. I kind of like the feeling of actually driving, (instead of telling my friends to go here and there). The Makcik Driver was of course very nice. She told me to take my time and takde nak jerit-jerit marah. So in two weeks time I’ll be on the road with my Kembara. Yeay!

The book that will never be mine

2006-02-25T15:04:00.000+08:00

Blankets
By Craig Thompson

Suatu ketika dahulu, when I still have extra cash to spend on books and stuff
I saw this book at Kinokuniya
I was like
Beli nanti lah
But sadly
It’s not there anymore
So sedih ok

To whom it may concern

2006-02-23T19:26:00.000+08:00

this one's for

Mokcik Nab

and you too,

Che Mie

"But see me once and see the way I feel"

Stupidity Kills

2006-02-23T13:06:00.000+08:00

On my way to work today I sat next to a couple. I was reading when the girl offered the guy some mints. The guy took it and said,

“You should have some of that too. Your breath stinks. I think there must be something wrong with your lungs, maybe it’s your throat?”

I was like ‘What-the-fuck’

Is that a proper way to treat a girl?

He was ugly and she was ok.

And I was wondering what the hell is this girl doing with that asshole.

I continued reading and the guy mentioned something bout some disease,

“Who knows, maybe I have HIV. I don’t really know. You know I had a lot of partners before you.”

The girl was dumfounded.

“Why don’t you go for a check up?” She asked.

“Why should I? Besides, its too late already.”

If I were much bigger and well… stronger, I would have beaten the daylight out off him.

How can anybody say that?

I guess some people are just born stupid.

I leave you with my misery

2006-02-22T19:32:00.000+08:00

a friend who won't betray

enjoy
Freshman by The Verve

New Pics, Old Stories

2006-02-22T11:43:00.000+08:00

Recently, while I was searching for my Batch's webpage, I came across a few pics taken in March 2005 in Kuala Kangsar. It was taken during the centennial celebration in MCKK.

So here are the pics.

I was still in college when I attended the event. My lecturer, Anwar Salleh (class of 84) was there too.
We were kinda excited few days prior to the trip to Kuala Kangsar. hah

The pics can be found here (http://fqrl.fotopages.com/)

I've tried uploading the pics. But it didn't work

Homoeroticism

2006-02-21T14:52:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine told me a few days ago about this new Indonesian movie. Tajuknye 'Realita Cinta dan Rock and Roll'. I dont really like to watch movies nowadays since my life is soo hectic. But after checking out the website, tetiba rasa cam I have to watch this movie.

Homoeroticism has made its presence in arts since the dawn of civilization (I think so). Images of men, saints and deities are portrayed in very sensual ways. One of the reasons is because of the fact that people are more aroused by things seen than heard (Fra Andrea Pozzi, I think). So most of the images or sculptures done in the period prior to Reformation (after Romanesque) and Post-Reformation are created to evoke a sense deeper than written words could achieved.

A few noted homoerotic paintings/images and sculptures

The Death of Hyacinthos by Jean Broc
The Warren Cup
The Current D&G print ads

So anyway:

Here are some of Homoerotic movies that I like

I: Y Tu Mama Tambien
II: The Dreamers
III: Almodovar’s Things (Bad Education and All about My Mother)
IV: Nicholas Nickleby
V: Brideshead Revisited (ade Jeremy Irons)

So tengoklah this movie

The interview that should have been

2006-02-21T12:36:00.000+08:00

This clip was created after Tom Cruise’s inteview with Oprah where he almost died of ‘sawan babi’

The Oprah Winfrey’s part was edited. Her clip was taken from her interview with James Frey, author (liar!) of that book. ‘A million little pieces’.

Enjoy!

Helpless

2006-02-01T11:29:00.000+08:00

Life hasnt been very kind to me lately. From breakdowns to breaking stuff, I'm surprised at how strong I am facing all these. Lately I've been plagued with so many problems. It all started a few months ago, after the MCOBA concert.

I have not been performing well in my work (which is so not me, since I've been known to give maximum efforts at every single things that I do) and I've been having so many problems with myself. I have no one to talk to about things, hence I keep on pushing my feelings deeper and deeper. Until a week ago, when suddenly everything comes out without me being able to control it. Love, life and basically everything. I talk to friends about things but somehow I seem to not be able to achieve anything. They basically give me advice, one after another, telling me to get a grip of myself and be who I really am. A strong and confident person. But somehow, I cant. Ive put so much of my energy into things and Im left with nothing. I have nothing to offer anymore. Nothing.

I cant think for myself, I cant do anything. When I go back home the only thing that Im able to do is sleep, and that too is on the brink of being almost impossible. When I sleep, I think about my problems and the more I think about it the more I feel helpless.

A few days ago I follow my friends to Frasers Hill, hoping that I can somehow sort things out. I manage to get some help in the love department. Thanks to Tarot. Hahah.

Hopefully things will get better. Right now Im going through a lot of changes. And I hope that I am strong enough to make decisions. Decisions that will greatly change my life.

How to Spot a Gay friend (this is soo bad!!!)

2006-01-27T12:42:00.000+08:00

The author holds no resposibility should you friends

1. kena heart attack instead of melatah
2. terkencing on the floor
3. refuse to be your friend
4. kena sawan babi/histeria/rasuk

SAD

2006-01-22T13:53:00.000+08:00

I met my ex a couple of times dalam beberapa minngu nih

I don't know how to express the feelings in words

So listen to that song.

Things I love about Kuala Kangsar

2006-01-15T13:00:00.000+08:00

Tetiba cam nak feeling a bit melodramatic (suddenly out of nowhere Andy Williams nyanyi lagu 'Home Loving Man'

Here are 5 things I love about Kuala Kangsar (besides MCKK)

i. Everything is within a walking distance. Nak pergi memane senang. Makan kat lembah, shopping kat Fajar and all. Takyah beria nak naik teksi or bus

ii. The huge, huge tress that lined the streets.

iii. The cool breeze of Sungai Perak

iv. The cool Makciks and Pakciks who seem to have a very good command of English. And some of them pakai baju yang super sexy. I guess at some point, people are just 'stuck' somewhere. Dalam konteks Kuala Kangsar nih the 70's and the 80's

v. That quiant little town feeling

Jackie, Ethel and Joan (PART I)

2006-01-04T13:37:00.000+08:00

Movie Poster

Jackie and JFK

Ethel and Bobby Kennedy

These three ladies, outsiders who married their ways into the Kennedy Clan, had the privileged to view American Politic at its peak.

As I was watching the movie on Hallmark, I could not help but wonder the impact these three ladies had on three of the most important figure of American History. Ted, Bobby and John F. Kennedy.

Ethel, the oldest of them three seemed to have a better view or charisma that was required to be a Kennedy. She knew all about the scandals and affairs that the men of Kennedy got themself into. Born into privileged in 1928, she met Bobby through Jean Kennedy. They were married in June 1950. Ethel and Bobby had 11 kids (one of whom was born after Bobby’s Assassination in 1968)

Jackie on the other hand preferred a very private life. When she became the First Lady, her concerned was for her children. She hated the thought of having the members of The Secret Service at their tails everywhere she went. Her marriage was far from ‘heavenly’ as John F. had health problems and countless affairs. She spent most of her time redecorating the White House and shopping.

Joan, the youngest of them three, suffered tremendously after Ted Kennedy’s failed election in the 80’s. Her life was shattered due to alcohol and Ted’s womanizing behavior.

All in all the movie didn't potray the roles that these ladies played in the life of the Kennedy's. The movie, potrayed(intentionally or otherwise), these ladies as a bunch of sad, powerless housewives. The fact that they withstood all rumors of scandals and affairs should be lauded.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-01T13:52:00.000+08:00

2005-12-27T13:55:00.000+08:00

Christmas. A time to celebrate, eat all the turkey you can and well gulp down those deliciously fattening eggnog.

I took the day off on Sunday to sit for my driving test. It was easy. I got 49/50. I thought I was going to fail as I kept on confusing one answer with another. But thankfully I passed. I’m just dreading the ‘driving test’, which is to take place next week.

Went back home and had a thought about my life right now. Everything seems to be in place. Or at least some are. While the others are still waiting for their moment to shine. I couldn’t help but think whether this is how I wanted everything to be despite the cheers from my friends and the ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ from others. I kept on asking myself these questions

“Is this me? Or is this just another wall to save my ass from all those vicious architects and whatnots out there?”

I analyze my the plans that I made since I left college and realize that

1. I hate people who tell me what to do and what not. Because seriously I know all that
2. I hate it when people think that I’m stupid/still learning and what not. Because I am not. Try and ask me to do the things I do best. Then you’ll know.
3. Erm…well two is enough.

I fell asleep thinking about this. When I woke up it was already 6.00pm. I went down to the living room and watched TV. I was feeling really, really tired. Suddenly I missed koleq. I didn’t know what started this feeling but I just felt like going back to the year 2000 and lived all those memories again. At 6.30 I started imagining stuff that I would do if I was back in koleq. 6.30 shower, followed by Maghrib. Hmmm. Life was so much easy back then. You wake up in the morning, you go to class, prep, lunch dinner and sleep. You don’t have to worry about anything else.

I read Irfan’s (my batch’s president) blog a few days ago and felt like I was a tiny speckle in this whole wide universe. I know I am but something just kind of make it even more obvious.

2005-12-22T15:31:00.000+08:00

Hohohoho sorry for the sudden lost of words
Banyak gile keje

But will get back to you after x’mas

Happy christmas

2005-12-15T13:09:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I went out with my friend to fasa 15 for a drink. Lepak lepak and cerita je. Nothing much. The day before my boss had a few interviews. The first one was with Maskulin and the second interview was with Suhaimi Sulaiman from internet tv or something. Gile funny that guy. I almost laughed my head off.
Anyway he recognized me from the MCOBA play and bising gile talking about it. Said that I was a good actor. Hohooho.

And then we talked about the 100 years thing and they left around 5.

2005-12-13T16:11:00.000+08:00

Rules of Dieting

1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.

4. Foods used for medicinal purposes never count. e.g. hot chocolate, brandy, toast, Sara Lee cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. e.g. milk duds, buttered popcorn, junior mints and Tootsie Rolls.

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the cookie causes calorie leakage.

8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The refrigerator light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.

9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories. e.g. peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon.

10. Food of the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are spinach and pistachio ice cream, mushrooms and white chocolate. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other.

2005-12-13T15:46:00.000+08:00

Cheerish your mother

Seriously.
If you still have your mom, may I suggest that you cherish her.

‘A millionaire feels like a pauper without a mother’

Somebody said that to me.

I didn’t realize all the truth behind this until a mother, not mine, told me the sacrifices that mothers make for the love of her children. Some slave themselves to provide their families with a decent meal, ade yang sanggup masuk api just to save their children, and well (this is very often) ade yang sanggup lapar as long as anak dapat makan.

Mula-mula I felt so menyampah ngan this makcik (the one who said ‘A millionaire feels like a pauper without a mother’) since she’s no better than I was. But after a while she kinda put some senses into my head.

So to those yang still have their mother. Cherish them. And remember the smallest things count.

If you don’t have a maid, wash your dishes after meals, help her buy groceries and all. Let her watch her favourite shows on tv, and try to keep the house clean.

It’s not that hard. Come on.

Remember

You don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

2005-12-13T15:39:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was my holiday (yeay!) so my parents and me went to see the car that we’re going to buy. It’s a nice grey-sih kembara. Automatic. Couldn’t imagine myself driving a stick in KL on Friday. Cam tetiba mati enjin malu gile. It was really noice. Sadly, it didn’t have any cd players. So I have to get one soon. Anyway. We went around bangi searching for a better one, as my dad said he didn’t like the car. So off we went to one place after another searching desperately for a better looking kembara (not that there was anything wrong with the first one).

Anyway after a while we just decided to settle for the car. Hehehehh

This weekend my parents are going off to Pangkor with my brothers. So I’ll be home alone. I can’t go since I have to work and all. So malas since my dad won’t be there to send me off to work. Plus I have a driving class thingy on Sunday. Bengkel or something. Yeay!

Lat night I ‘cleaned my computer since dah banyak gile unnecessary things. See, I ‘helped’ my friends when I was in college with computer works. So rite now I have tonnes of stuff in my computer which I didn’t know whether I should delete or not. Most of them are Emma’s stuff. Afraid that she might ‘misplace’ her portfolio and stuff.

2005-12-11T16:18:00.000+08:00

I seriously love my job!

Anyway last night my mum told me that we were going to get the car soon. Yeay!
Rite now I just have to get my driving permit and soon I’ll be driving to work. Can’t stand taking the commuter anymore.

Anyway I arrived around 9.30 last nite. Had dinner and finished reading ‘Murder on the Orient Express’ by Agatha Chritie. Amatlah best gile. One of my favourite books I must say. Slept early last night. Round 10.30 I think.

Today at work, I downloaded banyak gile lagu-lagu yang I heard on Light and easy. Plus some other songs yang dah lame tak dengar. It’s just another preparation for the car. Cam when my friends are driving lagu-lagu sume cam tak semangat. So ni cam lagu lagu for the carlah.

And I hanged a painting nicely today. Lemme tell you something, to hang a painting is not that easy. So thankfully I did it well
hohoohoho

2005-12-10T18:27:00.000+08:00

Happy 10th Anniversary MCKK9600

A bit late I know but what the hell.

Happy Birthday 9600. banyak gile benda yang I learned when I was in koleq. Looking back I have done tonnes of stuff. Both good and bad. I still remember when I was in form 2 and we were told to nyanyi lagu raya. Every dorm had to do it. We sang the ‘proton raya' song.

You know the one yang Mawi nyanyi tuh. It was izrin’s idea I think. Anyway lotsa things in my mind rite now. As in where on earth is Matgap. When I met Din yesterday, he told me that Matgap has changed a lot since 2000. I was kinda shocked. I wanted to share the things that I went thru after koleq. Matgap and me shared this weird interest for life and all. Not too philosophical.

He was the only person in my class who noticed my likings for good books. He lend me ‘The God of Small Things’ by Arundhati Roy and’The English Patient’. Two of the best books I’ve ever read. When he was in form five he was already reading ‘The Bell Jar’ by Sylvia Plath. I didn’t even know who Sylvia Plath was until a few years ago. Kitorang cam shared the passion for failing add maths. There was this one time in form four where we manage to get 0% for add math. Cam tak sangka. Heheeheeheh

I still keep in touch with Ejal, my former dorm mate when I was in form one. Him and Pyan. Pyan is now in Japan finishing his diploma. Ejal is working for a magazine. Apparently I am the only one out of the three of us that remembered most of the stuff that happened.

Ejal was like

“Kau ingat lagi sume tuh.”

I didn’t plan to remember everything. I guess there are things in your life that you can’t seem to forget.

I didn’t expect anyone to stay the same. But somehow deep down, I just wish that form five never ended. Cam last forever.

But all good things must come to an end.

2005-12-10T15:47:00.000+08:00

10 ways to annoy your lecturer.

1. Ask stupid questions such as: "Is ear wax poisonous?" When your professor says no, jump up and yell,"Thank God! I'm going to survive!"

2. In the middle of class stand up and walk out. A couple of minutes later come back in and sit back down. Act as though nothing happened. Do this every 20 minutes.

3. Fake an orgasm in the middle of your professor's lecture. If he/she asks about it say that their lecture was really compelling.

4. Pretend to be sleeping. Then in the middle of your professor's lecture jump up and yell,"Where the hell am I!" Then sit back down and go back to sleep.

5. Run out of class screaming,"Someone please stop the itching, I'm covered in fleas!" A couple of minutes later walk back into class and act as though nothing happened.

6. If you have an early class, at the start of class begin shaving with an electric razor. If your professor protests, say,"I wouldn't have to shave right now if you didn't schedule your class so early." Continue shaving.

7. Wear a hockey helmet everyday to class. If your professor asks about it say that you can never be too careful. One day don't wear the helmet and say you don't think you need it anymore. The next day come in with your head wrapped in bandages.

8. In the middle of your professor's lecture about a war start booing. Say that you were cheering for the country that lost.

9. Ask for an extension on your paper and when your professor asks why say, "THEY'RE" after you and you have to leave the country for a while" If your professor asks who "THEY'RE" is say that he already knows too much and they may come after him they find out.

10. Instead of writing notes on what your professor says, make up your own notes. Then when you write a test use the information from your notes as answers. When you get the test back, act outraged and show your professor your notes and claim that he said all these things.(only do this on tests that don't matter).

2005-12-10T15:11:00.000+08:00

First entry out of nearly a gazillion blogs (within this year lah kan)
Really malas sebenarnya to compete ngan people who actually have time to write blogs and what not.

My job is taking its toll on my time. Nak bace buku pun cam tak sempat.
(but am loving my job to bits, just in case my boss reads this)

Anyway,
Last night after the whole MCOBA after-theatre party thingy which was held at Pak Engku‘s house in Damansara, I made a few calls in an attempt to tumpang sesapa yang nak balik bangi. As it was already late and all. Abang Man didn’t tell me his plans until almost 12. So I decided to crash at Kahlid’s place dkt Tugu Negara. the dinner was nice. oklah
we watched the play that we did for the Royal Gala Dinner recently held dkt KLCC.

i looked like a weirdo. seriously leather jackets and all. euwgh!!

So I called khalid and apparently khalid, his gf and izrin and nageb and din and his gf were watching Narnia in Midvalley. Izrin called me a few days back but then, the plan was not clear. Kejap petang kejap malam. So I told izrin that I don’t think I’ll be joining them since tak tahu pukul berapa and all.

So I met up with them kat PBD and lepak-lepak. These people plan to go main futsal kat ampang on Sunday. Din was like
“Jomlah dzuf, he’s gonna be there punye. I’ll pick you up nak tak?”

And I was like

“Tak payah nak beria. Besides aku kerja on Sunday.”

and we talked about cars and all since izrin and i are planning to get one soon. i told my mum that i wanted an old volvo yang cam kotak tuh. but she was like

"do you have money to fix the car in case anything happens."

malas nak argue with her. so i am going to settle for a kembara. hmmm

We had a couple of drinks and went back after that.
I was thinking of staying over at din’s place kat bangsar since staying with khalid macam ganggu the whole family and all. But malas nak change plan since khalid dah cam beria-ia said yes. So oklah

I followed khalid back to his place kat that Tugu Negara area. Nice house btw. Very cam smart and all.

Slept very well last night. So oklah

PIECES OF ME

2005-11-15T12:23:00.000+08:00

(THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN UNDER HEAVY DISGUISE TO PROTECT THE PRIVATE LIFE OF ANOTHER PERSON(S). NAMES AND PLACES HAVE BEEN CHANGE.)

I just found out that one of my favorite seniors got married a couple months back.
I was browsing through the net and saw pictures of him with his wife. I was taken aback by those images. Not that it was unexpected or anything. I guess at some point in life people will get married and have kids and stuff, rite? Anyway I have the usual theatre practice tonight at the Alumni Tower. Yes the Old Boys of my school are rich enough to have our own building.

A few days back I meet a friend of mine who is running away from home after her parents disapproved of her relationship with a guy. We talk after weeks of not seeing each other. She tells me about the pressure of being told to go back to her parents and the agony of living with her boyfriend, seeing each other’s face without fail for one whole month. Truth is I kind of feel sorry for them. The guy’s reputation is pretty much down the drain when he fights for the girl in front of some of the most influential people in the country at a small country club. The parents give up on her and tell him, the bf, to just take her away. Now they are living in a small town off New York. They are making plans to go to London to continue their studies.
I am one of the people who advise her to follow her instinct. Her parents take away all the stuff that they have given her. Her computer, her rings and necklaces, her favorite perfumes and well, pretty much everything. She has to give up her dogs to SPCA.
Truth is I don’t know the consequence is going to be so bad. I mean, I kind of know the whole issue with the parents and all but never had I expected it to turn out this way.
The bf’s mother tells her to go back to her parents’ house, as it seems like the best thing to do at the moment. She tells us the story about her and some Crown Prince of a certain European country and how she leaves him after a fight with the parents. The parents of the Crown Prince tell her to leave their son and that they, the mother and the Crown Prince will not have the parents’ blessing.

As for now, I guess they are just going to stay together until the end of November, I think,

Leave me alone

2005-10-12T11:45:00.000+08:00

Things started to take its shitty turn when I moved from Hartamas back to my parents house in Bangi.
Well it all started when when a guy acused my dad of scratching his car. You see, when we loaded my stuff into the pickup truck, the guy's car, lets call him FI, was parked next to my dad's car. Naturally his genes told him to blame my dad, when he could have gotten that from some bugger in Hartamas.
Anyway, he started calling me and all and well, it went really ugly. I told him, why don't all of us get together, go to Sepang (that's where the pick-up truck is) and do a lil CSI game.
You know. 'Who-scratched-your-fucking-car'.
He was like, 'Oh no, it's okay, I just wanna know whether you did it or not'.
(Obviously scared shit that my dad shouted at him for blindly accusing us)
Well, being a polite fuck-head that I am, I told him that I will go to his place personally and take a look at the car.

Weeks later, I was so busy that I had no time at all to take a look at his car.
Yesterday he send me an SMS asking me 'When are you gonna come and fix my car?'
I was like, what the fuck?!
I never said anything about fixing his car.
He of course acted like a child, citing Alicia Keys 'Karma', upon my refusal to do anything.
I got really tired of this bullshit and told him that 'Well, I'd rather do Alicia than go and see your car'.

Anyway,
I recently discovered that 8 years can do wonders to you. I joined an alumni theatre thingy and met a senior that I don't even remember. I remember his name and clearly remember what he used to look like in high school. So I did a Poirot and went all over town looking for my yearbook and his recent pictures. You know, for comparison purposes. What annoys me is that the fact that I can't seem to put him anywhere (in 1997, I mean).

Anyway,
'The shitty thing in life is that knowing where you can't go'
RIZALISM

ME

2005-09-07T11:46:00.001+08:00

this is me!

1. you are known as:
the bitchiest person in class. most talkative. smart but arrogant.hohohoh me likey

2. your age:
22

3. your school:
some boarding school in perak

4. your residence:
i'm a passport holding tramp. i'm a citizen of the world

5. when were you born:
march 1983

6. eaten lizards:
nope. but i might have.

7. skipped school:
couple of times. lepak-ed at klcc. ate pancakes and watched some b-rated malay movie

8: kissed someone:
yup. enjoyed it pretty much

9. appeared on a tv show:
interview. best student and some stuff. oh yeah. 3r

10. fought with a close friend:
been there. done that

11. lied to your parents:
heheheheeh...

12. lost someone dear to you:
my grandpa and grandma whom i took for granted. sedey sangat

13. sang in front of a crowd:
erm.. dinner house 2000. leaving on a jet plane. pathetic. what can i do. damien rice was still a baby back then.

14: picked a fight for no reason:
ermm... not really

15. called someone a "bootlicker" :
yup. and i enjoyed it. 'bootlicker, you'

16. which is your fav shopping mall :
klcc. for the food and ou for lepak lepak

17. your fav sport :
picking up the lighter and smoking. well basically i move my hand to and fro. you know inhale-exhale

18. your fav movie star:
diego luna

19. your fav friends:
too many

20. your fav colour(s):
black and blue

22: your fav phrase:
"cool"

23. your fav hang out:
my gallery and my beau's place in bangsar

24. your fav school rules:
do not fold the sleeves of your long-sleeved shirts. serious kena rotan.

25. person that called you:
my beau, my boss, my boss and my boss

26. person you called:
my beau and my boss

27. tv show you watched:
cnn and bloomberg.

28. song listened to:
JAMES BLUNT AND KEANE AND some french cafe thing. don't really understand the songs but best.

29. food eaten:
2 days old bread with some weird spread. yummy

30.thing you bought:
cigarettes

31. person talked to on ym/msn:
flamozz, zeathabes and erm...sultan apple.

32. testimonial received:
nothing exciting lately

33. latest friend that added in your account:
i dont add friends. i add cool people. they re not my friends. they kinda make my page looks good. hohohoho

37. future wedding:
capri/hamptons/anything WASP-y. girogio armani. tiffany's crystal, hermes silverware, and close friends and family

38. house you'd love to live in:
anywhere near a polo club/yatching club/boarding school. preferably in massachusets

39. haversack or sling bags:
erm...none

40. who is hot:
my beau

41. lastly, one person you could never live
without besides your parents:
my beau.

Me II

2005-09-07T11:46:00.000+08:00

1) Name the Last Four Things You Have Bought:
a lighter, a box of PALL MALL LIGHTS, A Polo Shirt and top up card for my phone

2)Name Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
water, iced tea and erm...limau ais takde gule

3)When Is The Last Time You Cried?:
when my grandfather passed away

4)What's In Your CD Player right now:
James Blunt and i think some andy williams stuff

5)What's Under Your Bed?:
i dont have a bed. i sleep on a matress placed on the floor

6)What Time Did You Wake Up Today:
10

7)Current Hair?:
huh?

8)Current Clothes?:
shirt and jeans

9)Current Desktop Picture:
virgin suicides pics

10)Current Worry?:
rent. rent and rent

11)Current Hate?:
sex addicts

12)Favorite Place To Be?:
in my room at my parent's place

13)Least Favorite Place?:
erm... i don't know. who made these questions btw?

16)How Tall Are You?
5'6". i think

17)Favorite random quote?:
i don't need a man, i need a dick. sadly men are attached to it: some hollywood slut

18)One Person From Your Past You Wish You Could Go Back And Talk To?:
my grandfather.

19)Favorite Day:
monday(my day off)

20)Where Would You Like To Go?:
home

21)Where do you want to live when you get married?
massachussets. damn i dont even know how to spell it

22)Favorite food?:
pizza kat hartamas

23)Color of most clothes you own:
white, pink and black

24)Number of pillows you sleep with?
3

25)What do you wear when you go to sleep?:
t shirts and shorts

26)What were you doing 12AM last night:
reading vanity fair and architecture digest

27) If you could have anything you wanted for a pet, what would you have:
a stone. no food. no shit. nothing

28)What do you think you'll be doing in 10 years?:
sipping cocktails by the terrace. reading my pulitzer priced book

29)Are you paranoid?:
yup

30)What is the brand of your wallet?:
aint got one.

31)First piercing/tattoo?:
17. my eyebrow. fucking painfull and then got an earfull from my mom.

32)First enemy?:
optimistic airheads

33)Last person you yelled at:
nobody. i hate yelling. too much effort.

34)Last crush?:
tak ingat

35)Last thing you ate?:
bread with weird spread

36)Last traumatizing event?
erm..nothing so far

37)Fav animal?:
none

exhibitionism

2005-08-18T11:47:00.000+08:00

i dont see why people find it important to display themselves on the net
whatever happen to modesty and ....gosh
MODESTY
guys come on
we do have access to porn and stuff you know
there's no need to provide us with not-so-very-much-appreciated soft porn
frankly
it's ugly
and annoying
so
COVER YOURSELF UP!

my life as a fish

2005-08-14T11:47:00.000+08:00

well
basically it all started in june
after my graduation
i felt like you know
i have everything to offer yet nobody wanted to take me to work with them
and then suddenly all these offers poured it
i was of course overwhelmlah kan
you know
from nobody to somebody
but rite now
the fish is drowning it the sea
i am soo busy and soo kelam kabut with things to do
never ending things to be precised
so to all those fishes out there (literally and metaphorically)
please
be content with what you have

DEAN MILLER

2005-08-11T11:45:00.000+08:00

(THIS ARTICLE WAS WRITTEN UNDER HEAVY DISGUISE TO PROTECT THE PRIVATE LIFE OF ANOTHER PERSON(S). NAMES AND PLACES HAVE BEEN CHANGE.)

Lately I’ve been thinking about my alma mater. I don’t know why. I guess when you’re working and everything, your mind just starts to remember things. I guess.

I attended the alumni theatre practice yesterday night. Feeling tired and all after a 15 minutes bus ride, I made my way to the penthouse, where the practice was going to be held at. Nobody was there when I got to the penthouse and I was already feeling frustrated. My friend, whose house I slept at whenever I felt like it was too late to go back home, was not back from his holiday with family. So I made a few calls to my other friends, who were living in the area, telling them that I needed a place to sleep. A friend of mine offered a place to stay. He lived in one of those apartments for students not far from Columbia U.

Anyway, the theatre practice ended pretty late. Some of us didn’t even memorize our lines yet despite the fact that it was going to be opened in three weeks time. I got really irritated. The director told us to stay back even though he knew that some of us had to work the next day. Thank God some of them made an effort to get a sumptuous supper. So we ate and smoke and well, practice.

When I arrived at my friend’s place it was already 2.00am and he told me earlier that it’s kind of hard for outsiders to come in after 12.00. The taxi stopped me in front of the apartment and I made my way, casually and nonchalantly I must say, to his room.

His room was one of those small student rooms made for three people. He was reading a novel when I got in.

Dean Adams was one of those people who came from a very traditional family. You know, the New England bred, went to boarding school, got into an Ivy League and engaged to a WASP.

We did meet much after we left our boarding school. Many of us including him and me went separate ways. Betraying promises that we made when we said our goodbyes. The only memory of him that I had was a Goo Goo Dolls tape that he gave me on our last day. Sad, I know.

Anyway, we met again a few months back at a dinner organized by my batch members. Instantly we clicked and it was kind of surreal. As if it was only yesterday that we left Miller (that’s the name of the school by the way).

So we started talking about Miller and all and the things that we missed the most, our ‘brothers’ (a concept which I shall explain later), life at Miller and well basically everything. It was hard for us when we left Miller, as nobody knew exactly how we felt. Miller was an all-boys boarding school in Massachusetts. We spend 5 years there, entered the school and 13 and left when we were 17. I’m sure you could imagine the role that this school played in our life. Imagine spending 1/4 of your life (well I’m only 22) with a bunch of people day in day out.

Anyway, when he told me about his 'brother', I never knew that side of him. Back at Miller, we didn’t spend that much time together. He was of course in most of my classes when we were 16 and 17, but we didn’t talk much. He was busy with his brother and I was busy with debate. He described his brother and the time they spend together and the things they did and all with such passion. I was kind of sad because I didn’t get the chance to get to know this side of him.

I guess there were many things that he wanted to tell me but just couldn’t say it. It was really difficult for him to talk to people about this. Plus he was getting married soon and he just needed someone to know this side of him before he put this behind him forever.

Some people live their life with secrets that only they know. Secrets so precious that telling anybody would only diminish the magic that it contains.

post-rizalism

2005-02-25T11:48:00.000+08:00

post·rizal ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pst-ree-zl)
adj.

Of or relating to postmodern art, clean and simple architecture (see Herzog and de Meuron), or literature that reacts against earlier rizalist principles or by carrying rizalist styles or practices to extremes.
post·rizal·ism n.
post·rizal·ist adj. & n.

Basic Principles of Post-Rizalism
1. post-rizalism deals with the changes in time in relation to fashion and architecture. it is quite simple to understand. one must not stick to one fashion or style of attire pertaining to a certain period of time just because one loves spadex/leg warmers or platforms. this act of retaining oneself in one particular time and not moving on will challenge the principle of time, motion and space. i.e. one shall not stick in the 80's because one must move forward so as not to get oneself stuck in leg warmers. and need i mention roman pillars in kampung houses?

2. post-rizalism and post rizalists are not against the literature and the artworks pertaining to the period of rizalism and pre-rizalism (circa 1983-2001) but merely enhancing the understanding of the artworks and its context in relation to the time period. post-rizalists despise the obsessive usage of the word 'abstract' and 'minimalist'. these words are often time used without any context and content. post-rizalists have the tendency to relate everything back to the origin of the object and the time period in which it was produced. every single thing should relate to the economy and politics of the origin.

3. post-rizalists are great patrons of art especially those with substance and are not just made of wild strokes and are romanticized by christening them with names such as ‘menggapai mentari’ or ‘lovely sunset’. Post-rizalists favor arts from the region of their origin. Often time, these western educated patrons turn to native art for solace and comfort. Mona Lisa and Picasso are no more cool. Reciting names of western classical paintings are deemed shallow. This new generation of art patrons prefers the works of regional artists (in this case the South-East Asian artist) such as Juan Luna, Wong Hoy Chong and Non Hendratmo. These artists provide the patrons with insights towards one culture and belief.

4. post-rizalism’s literature encompasses a wide range of writings by both western and eastern writers. This is very essential to balance the understanding of both art worlds. An average post rizalist (19 y.o. guy) can recite lines from Nietzsche and Voltaire while comparing them to the Ramayana or Pramoedya Ananta Toer. How ever it is hard to detemine the exact books or writings read by these post-rizalists. This is due to the availability of information , short and concise, on the Internet.

To know more just buzz me.

you don't know what you've got till it's gone

2005-02-20T11:48:00.000+08:00

sometimes people can act really stupid
it's called acting on impulse
but this impulse can sometimes intermingle with emotions
thus creating what is widely known as 'infatuation impulse'
it runs thru your heart
missing yer brain
i had that experience recently and am now
recuperating from it
lost my grip on life
and love (yes, sappy. but then again this is MY blog)
well not love.
i guess people just take for granted things
and not realising what they have until it's gone
well
i've been there
numerous times
and i think i 'll be there again
in the future
for life is made of recuring scenes
to be played over and over again

leper

2004-12-12T11:48:00.000+08:00

I was at this party recently and was asked the question that I dread to even think about, let alone say out loud.
How can somebody like you be single?
I wish I have the answer to that question. Oh god, how I wish.
I remember talking to Em2 a few months ago about the same matter.
“Why should I just settle? I mean I have the certain lifestyle that I’m used to. I’m beautiful and I’m bright and I don’t think that there’s any man out there that suits me”.
I just kept my mouth shut.
I later asked a friend of mine. Why?
He simply said,
“Nobody’s good enough for me plus I’m so sick of the whole cycle. You have dinner, you talk, you tease bout sex and you pretend you‘re not interested but deep inside you are. You know the whole cycle”.
I just smiled to that comment.
I asked the same question to my other friends and most of them gave me the same answer (well maybe not the same but you’ll get the drift)

“Ugly people should just accept what come their way so that it’ll be easier for us to have the good looking ones”

“I don’t date strangers (huh?)”

“I prefer being single”

“I’m looking for the perfect one”

“I’m a leper”

Okay, so I made the last one up. But still, we give tones of excuses when it comes to the thing that we want the most. To share our life with someone. To be able to talk and just let yourself free.
I begin to wonder. Are all these excuses made to hide our fear? The fear of people thinking that we are lepers. The fear of people thinking that we are commitment phobic. To tell people that we can get one if we want to but we just don’t feel like it.
Or do we?

What if it’s not the people around us? What if the problem is us?
Are we all hoping for that knight in the shining armor (or Armani suit) to come to our rescue and drove off (sunset in the background) in a white Range Rover 4.6 HSE to a faraway country home (or Mandarin Oriental)? Are we being too picky to the point where we just narrow down to these few group of people that are totally unattainable? Why are we torturing ourselves?

Okay, so some people are just waiting for the perfect ones. The one who wears Miyake or Boss or Dior Homme. Who has a house in Kenny Hill or Taman TAR or U-Thant. The one who drives a BMW 7 Series or Mercedes S Class. Who only goes to places like Bon Ton or Tamarind Hill for dinner. Who has millions in his/her bank account.
I just finished watching the WEDDING PLANNER starring Miss Lopez and there was this one really nice line said by the father to Ms Lopez in that film. He said that
“Love is never perfect. Love is just love”

But despite all that, the people that suffered the most in this situation are the good looking ones. Nobody would wanna come up to them and talk because somehow, rumors have it that they’re with someone or that they would only go for the rich and good looking ones. Lemme tell you something. Good looking people are human too. If you like someone you should just tell them when you have the chance. Don’t let the moment pass you by. And to all those good looking people out there. Please say something. Don’t just stand there and wait for people to come to you. It’s a two way thing. One should be able to address the other and be comfortable in each other’s presence.

Back to the Riddle of the Sphinx (How can somebody like you be single?)
I don’t know. Seriously. I have no answers for that. Maybe I’m a leper.

A Bit Superficial

2004-12-06T11:49:00.000+08:00

Taking a break from doin’ mah work. You know chill a bit, have a smoke or two. Anyway last weekend I had a really great time. Again, I broke the norm. You know the-stay
–at-home-and-do-my-work-while-waiting-for-Queer-Eye-for-the-Straight-Guy norm. I seriously needed a break from my school work and my room. The school work was getting a bit redundant while room was attacked by papers.

Saturday I went to Bangsar for Talk and Walk with Adela. (Rizal was wearing Puma loafers, Energie jeans and French Connection shirt). She showed us some of the projects done by her company. It was okay. Me and Emma had soo much fun bitching and chilling. As usual. We lepak-ed for a while at Alexis before I left for Halim’s open house in Puchong. A friend of mine picked me up and we arrived at Halim’s place around 9.15 I think. Such Huge house. Fit for a…erm Halim. Anyway I had some food lontongs, nasi lemak, u know the usual. We lepak for a while with friends who came a bit later. Eddy and Tasha (fine chick) were there Saiful and the other Eddy too. We hangout and talked and well, the usual.
(Currently listening to Verve Pipe-The Freshman)

After the open house we went out to KL. Lepak-ed at Planet dancing like there’s no tomorrow. Seriously. The last time I had so much fun was when Tom Ford was made the head of YSL Rive Gauche. That was like ages. Anyway. We danced to some rock stuff and some RnB. But as I was getting more retarded with my moves, the music ended and we lepak-ed at Malibu. Met Ben and Nuj. Gorgeous people and stuff. Had some drinks and bitching and went back to Angsana Hilir for a nap (more like hibernating if you ask me). Went back with Icky the next day to Bangi. Didn’t talk much since both were tired.
(Currently listening to Cranberries-Dream)

Arrived home. Slept and got dressed for my friends wedding reception in KL. (Rizal was wearing Giorgio Armani jacket, Energie jeans, Marks and Spencer white shirt and Marks and Spencer shoes). A bit superficial. The wedding not me. With all those soppy and superficial but nice speeches. Got people dancing and stuff. I had to down a few glasses of cocktails before I became superficial too. You’ve got to go with the flow. Lepak-lepak and danced a bit. The ballroom was turned into a mini disco with half-drunk Indian guys and Gals. A bit like a club in Bombay. With songs altered to suit the Bhangra. Went back home after talking to a half-drunk cute Indian Financer for Shell International. Tempted to go to his place and just chill and fuck the next day class. But conscience was nagging and body was tired. So going home was inevitable.

This morning woke up was shocked to death. Face was as big as Texas and body was as shitty as the inside of Indah Water’s tank. It wasn’t beautiful. Plus I had a lil breakdown a la Mariah’s the night before. So college was not an option.
(Currently listening to Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow-Picture)

Anyway, at the wedding last night I couldn’t help but feeling a sad. You know people are getting married and some have bfs and gfs. It’s a bit tiring and depressing to see all these people hanging out and holding their partners hand. I had a chat with Tasha on Sunday Morning. Told her bout my melancholic life story. How I wish I have someone to talk to and stuff. You know. Like partner or something I told her that I envy those people who can actually fight with their girlfriends or boyfriends. At least they have each other to fight with. Me? The only thing I fight with is my computer. Cursing it every time I need to render my projects. Loser huh?

Japan

2004-11-29T11:50:00.000+08:00

My friend called me from Japan just now. I was asleep when the phone rang. As usual we talked for a bit ‘bout life and such. He just celebrated his senior’s birthday in Japan. They cooked and hang out. Tomorrow they are having an interclass match of footballs and such. I told him how lazy I am rite now to do anything. How boring life is and yaydaydyayday. You know the whole lot. He’s my best friend since form one when we were in MCKK.

It’s really nice talking to him. Come to think of it, has been almost 9 years. 9 freaking years. It’s really funny how some people can sustain that long a relationship (mind you my last ‘serious relationship’ lasted for a mere a month and a half). It’s crazy. Hehehehehe. We of course like other friends have our fair share of ups and downs. Mostly ups. But when we fight, it’s like shit. Some fights lasted for months over some stupid stuff. Can't remember what. Most of the time we made up thru letters. hehehe. How naive!

Not that I’m complaining or anything, it’s just that I think when you re young it’s kinda easy for you to make acquaintances. You know you don’t know much + you don’t actually have that prominent a personality yet. I am talking bout 12, 13 y.o kid. So you make friends and you kinda grow up with them sharing stuff throughout yer teenage years and such. For a 30 y.o guy and 30 y.o gal to become friends is pretty hard. You actually have 30 years worth of stories and such to catch up. Then only can you become good friends. For a 12 y.o kid, nothing is more interesting then toys and such.
I guess we are goin’ to be friends for a long long time

Besides that, I talked to Isma this afternoon since I didn’t have class today. We talked about life (again) and stuff. Told him bout my weekend and how I wanna just forget about my ever-increasing assignment and let loose. I’ve not been letting myself loose since, gosh, quite I while. Most of the time I just sit in front of the computer drafting out plans and such. It may sound boring but I guess it’s just one of those things that you have to do. Finish school. Can’t wait to earn my own money. Hohohhooh. Anyway Isma was being really nice and we talked about relationships and how to deal with people and such. It was a relief since I desperately needed to talk to somebody, anybody for that matter. Chotz was busy with his work so basically Isma had no choice. Hohohoho. Not like he was doin’ anything at that time anyway (sorry Isma).

the road less taken

2004-11-28T11:50:00.000+08:00

I arrived home late after another night out in K.L. As I lay my head down, a question crept into my mind.
What if?

The inevitable Question every man has to face at least once in their Lifetime. The ‘what if’ is a question I dread to even think about. ‘What if’ this, ‘what if’ that?

I lit a cigarette and proceed to exporting files for today’s class. As the plan appeared on the screen, I couldn’t help but remembering Robert Blake’s poem, The Road Less Taken.

‘Knowing how way leads to way, I shall never be here again’ or something. Blake talked about how sometimes people have to make choices, and these choices may not be the best, but the thought of doing something that has never been done before may provide a relief to these people. Maybe they have seen what the ‘road most frequently taken’ did to people around them.

I lamented over the road I took years ago. It was the one of the most difficult choice. But I did it. And the thought of it after years made me smile. How naïve I was. How eager I was to know people. Sufficient to say that it was a torture rather than a pleasure. Years later, precisely a few days ago, the question was brought up again. Why? Why did I do it?

I wish I have the answers. I wish I had done it differently. I wish I had…. I don’t know whether wishing is a good word. I took another drag of smoke. Memories. Time. Wishing that every puff I take can at least do something. Turn back time. Whatever. At least something.

What I fear to ask myself sometimes may not be “what if I had done it differently but ‘what if I never get a second chance at it’. I know that there’s a lot to look forward to in life, but knowing that I will never be at the same junction again. The same time and place. That’s what I fear most. The chance of never having that chance again.

We as human make mistakes. Countless. These mistakes are the thing that will shape us in the future. But what if by committing that one stupid mistake, you are denied of something great. Something that you have always dreamt about.

Sometimes I just pray that I will never be at a junction where only two paths are at present. I wish there’s more path. Its like having the possibilities and the result spread into a very thin percentage of disappointment and happiness. If I have only two choices, deciding to go with which may be quite difficult. Both bear the same percentage. 50/50. The possibility of getting hurt may be at large. But if I have let say 5 choices, the possibilities of getting hurt may not be as much. Don’t ask me why. It 6.30 in the morning. Sunrise and sunset drive me crazy. The mere thought that something has ended and a new thing is about to begin scares the shit out of me.

I ended another weekend in my life with another cigarette. Mr. Marlboro Lights, my best friend. Whom I have traveled through numerous important moments in my life. Sometimes I think that being a cigarette may be nice since you are born to do one thing. To provide pleasure.
‘Give me a cigarette and a cup of coffee, and I’ll be happy’

As to mistakes and what ifs, I know that somewhere out there, another chance awaits me. I know that sometimes decision has to be made no matter how hard it is. Till then I just pray that it will be an easy one.